Restoring The Early Church

(Section 3)

Mike & Sue Dowgiewicz

[click here for a printable copy]

 

The Early Church — Born Again
The Cornerstone: Jesus
The Building Block: Families
The Support System: Neighborhood Home Fellowships


God’s Design for His Church

The diagram that follows represents an updated model of the early Church priorities based on a Hebraic-influenced spiritual focus. Take a moment to examine the diagram and the priorities it implies. Note that the focus emanates from the center outward. The inner three sections will be developed more fully in the chapters to follow.

 

We developed this diagram during the course of our research of the early Church while we were in Israel. The process embodied in the diagram begins with the intimate relationships connoted in the center three boxes. As relationships expand outward to the congregational level, a greater degree of administrative and organizational structure may be needed to coordinate the penetration and impact that believers in the restoration will have in their communities. At the same time, such organizational structure should enhance and encourage intimacy at the home fellowship level rather than promote activity that would in any way detract from those relationships.

Parallel the relational process referred to in the diagram in light of your own growth and development as a human being. Following your birth you began the process of becoming increasingly more aware of your connection to ever larger groups of people. Initially you were conscious of your mother, then your family, your extended family, your neighborhood, town, and world.

When you are born again in your spirit, this same process reflects God’s biblical design. He intends that you grow in intimacy with His Son Jesus. At the same time, through the sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit, you begin to learn to express love and receive love in a unique and special way within your home. Supportive relationships that include a few other believers to whom you can commit yourself for nurture and strengthening in a home fellowship are an outgrowth through which you are discipled to bear fruit for the Kingdom. As pockets of developing fellowships congregate, their opportunities expand to minister among broader venues and to financially support those who are called forth.

The nation of Israel embodied a relationship-based organization that parallels the progression illustrated in our diagram. The family relationships and authority systems provided the model for organizing the entire nation. For Israel this organization pattern was vital, particularly when it came time to fight their enemies. To be victorious they needed to respond “as one man” when the war trumpet sounded. The nation of Israel as described in the Bible was the summation of progression: an individual belonged to a family that was part of a clan that identified with a tribe. Finally, twelve tribes who were ruled by their elders (and later, a king) made up the nation.

The relational responsibility that bound Israel together kept them organized as individuals, families, clans, and tribes. When David became established as king over Israel, he designated fortified cities to be built all over Israel. Each city was led by zakens, or respected elders. Each city possessed an individual identity and experienced a certain measure of autonomy. Each was expected, however, to respond for the good of the whole nation when the battle trumpet was blown.

The restoration occurring in the church today parallels this pattern. An individual puts wholehearted trust in Jesus. Perhaps those in his or her home observe this changed life and also choose to trust Jesus. (Maybe they have long been praying for that family member to join them in trusting Jesus!) Believers on pilgrimage need spiritual intimacy with others who come alongside them in a home fellowship so that they may support each other’s trust in Jesus. Pockets of fellowships can then gather to form a congregation, which then joins other congregations throughout the city to cooperate in larger endeavors to impact unbelievers at large.

The supportive relationships in the home and home fellowships provide the effective mechanism to permeate neighborhoods, businesses, and the cultural and social sectors of the city. The primary weapons of God’s Kingdom, as always, are intercession, prayer to tear down the enemy’s influence, obedience to the Word, and the personal testimony of believers as they reflect increasing Christlikeness in speech and action. The administrative coordination at the congregation level helps to maintain focus and purpose.

Think about it. Your relationship with Jesus, represented in the center of the diagram, does not require organizational structure. It is out of the Father’s love that Jesus is revealed: “No one can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me draws him, and I will raise him up at the last day” (John 6:44). This relationship is personal and spiritual. No human organization is needed at this level, only the regenerative work of God through the Holy Spirit. Neither structure nor organization are necessary in one-on-one relationships or in intimate relationships with a few. Even home fellowships are affiliated through relationships with others in the faith community and/or through the evangelist or church planter who cultivated the groups. When organization is kept to a minimum, the Holy Spirit’s guidance of those involved is hungrily sought and depended on. Fewer distractions of activity and programs arise to cause believers to take their focus off seeking God.

The institutionalism that has crept into the church today in the US has relationally crippled followers of Christ. They no longer know how to commit themselves deeply to other people, nor do they see the need to take the time to do so. Too often American Christians are like eggs in a carton. Their shells rub up against each other at services and meetings, but their lives never become “scrambled” in intimate relationship. Even the “cartons”, the separate congregations, seldom mix.

Personal load-bearing interaction with others may seem foreign to you. You may have committed yourself to a marriage but find it difficult to intimately care for the individual you married. You may be committed to a specific congregation and even attend Sunday school or be part of a home group but find it almost impossible to commit yourself to individuals in deeper, caring relationships. Many Christians find themselves committed to the effects of believing in Jesus: being saved, having their sins forgiven, or having their prayers answered. Few find it easy to have an ongoing daily relationship with the person of Jesus.

While in Israel our believing Jewish friends asked, “Why do you Christians in the United States always need an activity like a Bible study in order to get together? Can’t you get together just because you love and care for each other?” We were deeply convicted by their observation. Think of the words describing the early Church: “Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved” (Acts 2:46,47).

Remember this: Jesus loves each person individually and personally. He died for each one so that each could enjoy a relationship with Him. You may have been drawn to Him for personal reasons: for forgiveness to escape the wrath to come and for the cleansing that enables you to have fellowship with God. But as a follower of Christ you also enter into a process. You become a disciple, a lifelong practice of being transformed into His image.1 Jesus designed discipleship not as a program conducted by leaders of a congregation but as an extension of your growing relationship with Him. He desires every believer to be in a relationship with other believers to enjoy true fellowship as they are discipled and as they themselves disciple others.2 You may be brand new to the Kingdom, but as long as you have one hand in the hand of the Master, you can reach back with the other to guide someone even newer along the path you have walked!

Remember that God still sees His Church as the ekklesia, “the called-out ones.” His people are the Church, even the gathering of two or three in His Name. Wherever God’s people are throughout the week, there is His Church, permeating society and connecting with the very people He wants His children to lead into His Kingdom.

The ekklesia who already have an ongoing relationship with each other are eager to gather for fellowship, communion, and building up of one another. This level of relationship, referred to in the diagram as the “intimate few” or “home fellowship”, represents a seven-day-a-week commitment to each other. This depth of care and concern signifies far more than just scheduled meetings together. It is a mutual commitment to uphold righteousness and to bear one another’s burdens. The early churches met in homes as well as gathered in the temple courts for worship and instruction.3 The temple courts represented the congregational assembly of the home fellowships. These people were relational, unified by their love for God and their commitment to each other as His people.

People today generally identify one congregation with one church building. As many believers have found whose congregations are built upon home fellowships, though, several congregations can share the same facility. At the time of the apostles all the congregations that met throughout a city would have collectively been considered “the church”: “To the church of God in Corinth” (1 Corinthians 1:2); “To the church of God in Corinth, together with all the saints throughout Achaia” (2 Corinthians 1:1); “Phoebe, a servant of the church in Cenchrea” (Romans 16:1).

As believers empowered by the Holy Spirit went about the daily business of life, they could carry the message of Christ to all they encountered. “In the first century all church members were scattered abroad and the Church was the mission; today, the Church stays home and the apostles are scattered abroad to be missionaries...It was the method of ‘every-member evangelism’ that did the miracle in apostolic days.”4 Are you in the habit of bearing witness to what you have seen and heard as you go about your daily business?

Man’s Design: Programs and Institutionalism

Most American churches today minister to crowds, whether small or large. Almost every facet of church life, including the seating and aisle arrangement, is designed for crowd control. Even the concept of “church” is often a place of formal gathering or a service. Man has erected large edifices to control blocks of people. When you come to Jesus through this system, you are deposited into a big, impersonal organization called the “congregation”. Within the vastness of the congregation you then try to find some people who will care for you individually as a person. The congregational leadership may develop contrived groups in order for you to be involved in “church activities.”

For too long churches have attempted to fabricate programs in the hope of generating loving relationships. Congregations are partitioned into homogeneous groupings such as couples’ clubs, youth groups, college and career fellowships, erroneously believing that common circumstances will encourage interpersonal caring. This programmatic pattern of ministry is based on the Greek model rather than the Hebraic. The Hebraic paradigm would provide relational opportunities for mentoring by the older and wiser. Intergenerational contacts would be modeled and encouraged. With the home as the main meeting point for fellowship, most programmatic groups would be unnecessary.

In much of man’s design for the church, even their identity as “worshipers” appears to have been lost. “In [worship’s] place,” notes A.W. Tozer, “has come that strange and foreign thing called the ‘program.’ This word has been borrowed from the stage and applied with sad wisdom to the type of public service which now passes for worship among us....[Even] sound Bible exposition may be carried on in such a way as to leave the hearers devoid of any true spiritual nourishment whatever. For it is not mere words that nourish the soul, but God Himself, and unless and until the hearers find God in personal experience they are not the better for having heard the truth”(emphasis added).5 Think about that.

Stop to consider when you think about the different churches in your community: Does God really desire that Christians cling to secondary doctrinal issues that now divide the church into thousands of denominations? Does the current prejudicial division come from God? Is this division counterproductive to the advance of the Gospel? How do these separations subvert the biblical emphasis on unity? Ponder the admonition of Philippians 3:15,16: “All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained.” If such divisions in His Church counter God’s plan, can it be that the restoration underway around the world is His way to remove the barriers that now separate believers?

Many doctrines and traditions incapacitate the church by focusing on what is divisive rather than on what unifies. Rather than apperceiving the Word of God and fostering agreement as did the early Church councils that followed the biblically Hebraic approach, subsequent councils even to the present day use the win-lose argument of the Greek philosophers: “If we think differently, then I must be right and you are wrong.”

Estrangement and separation have been the fruit of this thinking for centuries. Often the central theme of church history has been division, hatred, and murder of Christians by Christians, each believing they are serving God. Revisit the doctrines of the early Church, those matters derived from God’s Word, for which believers were willing to die. Conversely, the church from the time of the Greek philosophers has been filled with “doctrinal traditions” for which believers were willing to kill or despise others. The Greek spirit in the church today has produced intolerance, a weapon wielded by Satan to keep Christians ineffective in reaching cities for Christ.

From God’s vantage point He sees a church divided, revisionists against revisionists. As the restoration continues and apperception once again gains ground among God’s people, they will increasingly pray to understand and follow the original intent of the biblical writers and the Hebraic roots that so influenced them. The result will be an ever-increasing unity and harmony by God-lovers who are willing to let God make it clear.

While at the retreat center we witnessed the fruit of revisionism in the inability of local churches to unite in face of a spiritual threat. In the late 1980’s television news reported that two thousand satanists were moving into Connecticut to “take the state for Satan.” As small as it is, Connecticut for years has been #1 in per capita income in the nation. Initially, satanism entered companies and businesses through the guise of personal growth seminars that incorporated eastern mysticism and meditation. For those who recognized and understood spiritual warfare, the satanic underpinning was readily apparent. The efforts of a few believers to voice their concerns and to mount an effectual offensive proved fruitless. We were reminded of the Jewish people in “labor camps” during World War II who struggled futilely to awaken others inside and outside the camp to its real function as a prison of death.

As the satanic controls over these companies grew, formerly pleasant work places became oppressive. Several financially sound companies ultimately filed for bankruptcy. Media coverage questioned the bankruptcy of one particular Connecticut company, especially the disappearance of $11 million of company assets at the hands of two “mysterious strangers”.

Since we had relationships with many Christians from different churches, we encouraged them to join with other believers in the affected companies to intercede against the demonic takeover. “Doctrinal” differences, however, separated these individuals and rendered any efforts ineffectual.

It is our hope that God’s restoration will expose the source of the philosophical doctrines that now divide believers. Pray for ever-increasing cooperation among Christians in neighborhoods, workplaces, and cities in concert together for the cause of Jesus Christ.

“Then Jesus came to them and said, ‘All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to Me. Therefore go and make
disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age’” (Matthew 28:18-20).

“Making disciples” is the responsibility of every follower of Jesus. The early Church illustrates that no one should be on the sidelines. Even Philip the deacon (see Acts 5) became Philip the evangelist (see Acts 8) who led a revival in Samaria. Each and every individual, family, and home fellowship are God’s best means of permeating a godless society. These represent the relational troops that can be mustered and coordinated at the congregational level for a more encompassing outreach. Of greater impact, however, is the relational mobilization of God’s people through personal contacts and relationships in their neighborhoods, workplaces, and communities. Focused caring contacts with unbelievers require followers of Christ to personally convert their own faith into action.

You can individually and collectively intercede for neighborhoods, workplaces, and communities. Crime and evil have proliferated in part because Christians have failed to exercise their authority in Jesus through trusting prayer. A painful reality exists if you truly believe God’s Word: No matter how close you yourself draw to Jesus and to others in the faith, there will still be those you know and love (and countless others you’ve never met) who will enter a Christless eternity in hell because they have not understood and accepted the Gospel. Let us all be obedient to carry out the Lord’s command to share the Good News.

Think about the following truth as the Hebraic early Church understood it. The Book of Genesis makes clear that every human being is created in the image of God. Although sin ruptured our relationship with a loving Father, He graciously provided the means of reconciliation. Through the willingness of His own Son to lead a sinless life and to shed His blood, we can have fellowship with the Father once again. Our loving response to His love is to be burdened for humanity in the same way that He is. A popular saying in the 1970’s is appropriate as we consider the restoration of the church now underway: “With one hand reach out to Jesus, with the other bring a friend.”

Recap: God’s Design for Growth in Christlikeness

The process of expansion from one to one-on-one to a few is always personal. This always begins from the center of the diagram, with Jesus. Your fellowship must first of all be with the Lord and then with others whom God provides for mutual strengthening and encouragement. Every step and extension of commitment to other people as you move toward the outer rings is based on a network of personal relationships, someone caring for you and you expressing care for them. Your trust in Jesus will be strengthened only as you abide in caring relationships, experiencing His love (that you already know by faith) through the love and admonition of others. As the fullness of God’s love grows in you, you can then share the vitality of your faith with those who have yet to encounter Jesus.6

Through the intimacy of relationships in your family and in your circle of load-bearers in the home fellowship, your awareness of the Holy Spirit’s work in you grows. The Spirit continues to fill you to be God’s vessel of blessing to others as you manifest His gifts. Thus you are able to truly appreciate the power of belonging to a body in which everyone does his part. Equipped and empowered, you can then fulfill His commission to you and to all believers: to make disciples of all nations.

“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart. I will be found by you,’ declares the Lord, ‘and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,’ declares the Lord, ‘and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile’” (Jeremiah 29:11-14).

Jeremiah’s words remind us of the command the Lord gave us in Miami after our return from Israel in March of 1994: “Free the captives.” God desires to prosper His people in their pilgrimage of Christlikeness and to display His glory among them. This will happen when followers of Christ have the courage to forsake whatever hinders them and to wholeheartedly seek Him with a faith empowered by His Spirit and nourished by His Word.

Through apperception of the Scriptures (going back to the original intent of the biblical writers), the following chapters contain some practical suggestions to acquire the powerful, cooperative faith of the early Church, a Church built upon a Hebraic understanding of the Bible. The priorities of Jesus, marriage, family, and home fellowship are essential to His restoration. His people must seek the rhema of the Holy Spirit as did the early Church for specific guidance and direction.

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Chapter 8

Your Relationship With Our Father And Jesus

Early one Sunday morning, hours before Mike was to speak at a morning worship service, the Lord woke him up. There in his mind’s eye was a vision of a funnel. As Mike stared at the funnel he could hear in his spirit an explanation of its meaning. Sketching the funnel on his computer, he then made an overhead transparency of it. When he finished his message that morning, he put the funnel transparency on the overhead projector and explained it to the congregation. To his surprise, people left their seats and came forward to repent of their sins, convicted of having believed a gospel that did not include the Lordship of Christ in their lives.

The following week Mike was asked to address a different congregation. The Holy Spirit prompted him, “Just tell them about the funnel.” He again put the funnel transparency on the overhead projector. After he had finished explaining its meaning, people again left their seats and came forward to repent. When the funnel image was presented on retreats, the explanation elicited the same response: conviction and repentance.

This illustration represents the funnel:

“That if you acknowledge publicly with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and trust in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be delivered” (Romans 10:9, JNT).1

During the past few decades the Gospel has become “watered-down.” Many have come to Christ with the goal of “getting saved.” But salvation is the by-product of the biblical command to confess “Jesus is Lord.” The Lordship of Christ is your entry point into the funnel. Lordship implies a rejection or yielding of all that you are in your sin nature—all of your will, your rights, your possessions, your plans. You become His “disciple”. It is a conversion that demands that you weigh the cost. Note from Jesus’s words the extent of the relationship He calls for: “If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be My disciple. And anyone who does not carry his own cross and follow Me cannot be My disciple” (Luke 14:26,27). Discipleship entails total trust and obedience to the Master.

Like the pull of gravity, your humility to submit to the Lordship of Jesus draws you downward into the funnel as an invisible but constant force. The tug of His faithfulness does not let go of you. When you sin, His Spirit seeks you out and brings you to repentance through His kindness (see Romans 2:4). God pursues you to the point of your yielding so that your broken heart and spirit can once again enjoy the fullness of His presence as Lord.

As you pass into the stem of the funnel, the love of Jesus is so compelling that you do not desire to think about yourself but only to do His will. Your personal discretion to choose what you want to do withers as you continue to yield yourself as a bondservant to His will. God’s goal for you as His child is to be changed by His Spirit into Christlikeness in such a way that there truly is evidence of a “new creation.”

Those who understood the funnel explanation recognized that the “being saved” gospel they had received had consigned them to the sides of the funnel to deal with all their imperfections. Through the influx of reasoning and psychology into the church during the past few decades, sins that require repentance are now considered “problems.” No longer are believers held accountable to take personal responsibility for their own sins, which would bring them through repentance into the center of the funnel. Much of pastoral counseling now convinces people that they must understand their problems and find out who is at fault for their current condition.

Through the process of problem exploration, individuals may expand their awareness about their difficulties. At the same time, however, they develop an increasing unhappiness with God. Though they might not put it into words, in their hearts they neither trust Him to do what He promises in the Bible nor do they entrust themselves to Him as Lord of their lives. Thus many Christians live as if they have been “victimized” by both God and by others. They have not grasped a loving trust in a sovereign Lord.

The Hebrew Bible: Basis for the Gospel of Jesus

The early Gospel was more comprehensive than we in the church have understood. Many today have been told an incomplete or even counterfeit gospel.

The Bible stipulates one true Gospel as the way to eternal life. Jesus told his Jewish listeners, “Whoever trusts in Me as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him. By this he meant the Spirit, whom those who believed in Him were later to receive. Up to that time the Spirit had not been given, since Jesus had not yet been glorified” (John 7:38,39). The “streams of living water” refer to the evidential operation of the Holy Spirit in the life of one who puts his trust in Jesus. The only Scripture in existence when Jesus spoke these words was the Hebrew Bible. If you want to trust Jesus “as the Scripture has said,” you must study the Hebrew Bible to discern the complete Gospel.

Our acceptance by God the Father through the sacrifice of Jesus was the central issue in the early Church. The Gospel that is based on the Hebrew Bible and understood by the early Jewish church was not man accepting Jesus as his Savior, but God accepting the Lord Jesus as the only Savior.

Christ fulfilled the reconciliation requirements of God. Jesus’ payment was complete, and a new covenant was established through His blood. The resurrection of Jesus was the Father’s sign that the sacrifice for our sins had been accepted by Him. God was, and forever will be, satisfied.

As noted earlier, before the coming of Jesus a number of rabbis taught that a person must experience a spiritual birth, a response to God’s call on his life. Conversion equaled rebirth. Being “born from above” was a shift from following the letter of the law to abiding in loving obedience with God.

Being born again was the point at which you put your full trust and reliance in the Lord. That’s why Jesus was so surprised when Nicodemus professed ignorance of this new birth: “Are you a teacher of Israel, and yet you do not understand this?” (John 3:10).

The Hebrew word for “faith” means more than just belief; it is a profound trust in God. Trust is an emotional response from the heart, far more than mere mental assent that God is real. Reliance on the Lord penetrates the very core of your being.

We must always be on guard against a counterfeit gospel. Even the first century Galatians were warned to beware of a perverted gospel: “Even if we or an angel from heaven should preach a gospel other than the one we preached to you, let him be eternally condemned!” (Galatians 1:8.) Any so-called ‘gospel’ of today that differs materially from the Gospel understood by the earliest followers of Jesus is a path to hell. Satan is shrewd. He doesn’t care how you don’t get to heaven, as long as you don’t get there! Some people wrongfully assume that God will excuse them at the judgment throne for not knowing the true Gospel. The Bible states otherwise.

The early Church understood salvation as a process based on repentance and loving trust in Jesus. And in the Hebrew Scriptures, God expressed His heart’s desire for a love relationship with His chosen people. The two agree. But many of the Israelite leaders perverted this love into a series of rules and obligations designed to earn salvation only if precisely followed.

God lays the same relational requirement in both the Older and Newer Testaments; that is, to love Him. If we try to keep God’s commands without loving Him, we’ll become proud and get caught up in what we do for Him. Paul tells us in I Corinthians 13 that “without love, we are nothing.” Living out God’s commands because of our love for Him keeps us humbly dependent on Him, and contrite when we fail.

The foundation of love is found in Deuteronomy 6:4,5: “Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.” The Hebrew word for love, ahav (ah-hahv’), means to be filled with desire and delight and passion for the one you love. You long to be in your loved one’s presence. The heart-cry of God throughout the Tanakh is a longing for a love relationship with His people. The ten commandments tell us that God promises to show His love to a thousand generations of those who love Him and keep His commandments.

Quoting from that same Deuteronomy passage, Jesus delivered the greatest commandment: “‘Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second [which is from Leviticus] is like it, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments” (Matthew 22:37-40). The Greek word agape (ah-gah’-pay) is used for love here and its meaning is similar to the Hebrew ahav.

To summarize the priority of loving God: Everything in our Christian life—everything about knowing God and experiencing Him, everything about knowing and doing His will—depends on the quality of our love relationship with Jesus. If our love relationship with Jesus is not right, nothing in our life will be right.

Let’s review three of the key elements of conversion in both Older Testament Israel and the Hebraic church—repentance, agape (ahav) love, and trust:

1. Salvation requires your Repentance

John the Baptist, Jesus, and Peter at Pentecost all affirmed repentance as the first step of salvation.
Biblical repentance always demands a turning away from sin and a turning to God. Do you see these two distinctives? Turning from sin and turning to God. That’s the vital message in this verse: “I have declared to both Jews and Greeks that they must turn to God in repentance and have faith in our Lord Jesus” (Acts 20:21).

Repentance grieves you that you have grieved God; you hunger for the forgiveness, cleansing, and restoration that only He can give. That grief is the “godly sorrow [that] brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret” (2 Corinthians 7:10).

For years, Sue had prided herself on her moral lifestyle and sound reputation, but inside she felt more like a “whited sepulcher.” Hidden from view were the pride, independence, and selfishness that influenced so many of her decisions. When God made these known to her as the detestable sins that they were, she anguished before him. Desire for independence from Him vanished as she yielded to His Lordship. Her change of heart was relational. It went a thousand miles beyond agreement with a set of teachings and rules.

2. Salvation requires your agape (ahav) Love

In the early church, there was an intensity of love for God in accepting the Gospel message that is often lacking today.
God desires a love relationship with His people. This love is wonderfully manifested by those who know the Gospel of the Hebrew Scriptures and understand the depth of their own depravity. For them it is easy to see God’s grace in the atonement and to appreciate the sacrifice of Jesus on their behalf.

Trevor McIlwain of New Tribes Missions has gotten a phenomenal response by teaching natives the Bible in chronological order, from Genesis to Revelation. When they complete the Older Testament, they see the depth of their own sin. Then when they hear about Jesus, they are delighted to respond in love to His sacrifice on the cross.

3. Salvation is incomplete without your Trust

The unwavering trust that God requires of His children is the fabric woven throughout the Hebrew Bible and the Newer Testament. Look at some of God’s promises to those who trust Him to take care of things:

“Many are the woes of the wicked, but the LORD’s unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in Him” (Psalm 32:10, emphasis added).

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight” (Proverbs 3:5,6, emphasis added).

“So this is what the Sovereign LORD says: ‘The one who trusts will never be dismayed’” (Isaiah 28:16, emphasis added).

Salvation for the Jews was based on a loving trust in God: “Abraham trusted God, and it was credited to Him as righteousness” (Genesis 15:6, emphasis added).

Accepting the Gospel: Forceful Conviction Required

One of the more perplexing verses for some is Matthew 11:12: “From the days of John the Baptist until now, the kingdom of heaven has been forcefully advancing, and forceful men lay hold of it.”

In light of the military examples in the Hebrew Bible, picture this illustration of that verse: Around a military fortification such as the walls of Jerusalem, “killing zones” are established to concentrate weapon fire for maximum killing effectiveness. Those who attack the fort must first courageously battle their way through the killing zone. Because of the strong likelihood that they might be killed in the attack, these individuals have to “be dead” to everything beforehand in order to fully focus on their objective.

Such forceful determination was the standard for those who gave their lives to follow Jesus. This essence is captured in Matthew 13:44-46: “The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field. Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it.” It takes tremendous certainty to give up everything you’ve got in order to lay hold on what God is offering you.

Accepting the Gospel: Accepting the Covenant

The early Jewish followers of Jesus clearly understood the significance of covenants. Today we understand dimly at best. God had established covenants with His people through Noah, Abraham, Moses, and David. Jeremiah had prophesied that the Jews could expect yet another covenant. God is the initiator of the covenants between Himself and His people. Each covenant carries with it God’s promises and man’s responsibilities if he accepts God’s terms.

Paul reminded the Gentiles about covenants as part of the heritage received from the Jewish people: “Theirs is the adoption as sons; theirs the divine glory, the covenants, the receiving of the law, the temple worship and the promises” (Romans 9:4). The writer to the Hebrews builds the foundation of the Messiahship of Jesus on the institution of a new covenant: “To Jesus the mediator of a new covenant, and to the sprinkled blood that speaks a better word than the blood of Abel” (Hebrews 12:24, emphasis added).

These words sound quaint and very antique to us in the postmodern West. But what a thundering impact Jesus’ words must have had on the Jewish ears who first heard them: “This is My blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins” (Matthew 26:28, emphasis added). Suddenly in that upper room that evening, it was a new ball game on earth. The rules were changing, and a new covenant was transcending the old.

But the new covenant did not eradicate the old. The old became the enduring foundation for the new. The old is still there as the historical basis. And today, we cannot adequately appreciate the new unless we have a heart-knowledge of the old, as the early Jewish followers did. For it is from the heart that we put our loving trust in Jesus to enter a covenant relationship with our heavenly Father through His Son’s shed blood.

No Salvation Without Forgiveness

One truth in particular startles many believers. Jesus declared, “If you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins” (Matthew 6:15). The question for us is, Can we be forgiven of anything by our heavenly Father if we do not forgive others who have violated us?

John warns about unforgiveness: “We love because He first loved us. If anyone says, ‘I love God,’ yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. And He has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother” (1 John 4:19-21, emphasis added).

The early Church understood that our Father will not consummate a relationship with an unforgiving person. Why? Because his Father refuses to forgive him. There will be no evidence of the Holy Spirit operating as a stream of living water in a bitter, unforgiving person. That person has failed to appreciate how much he or she needed to be forgiven by the shed blood of Jesus. That’s a relational fact, something fairly obvious to early believers—but not so obvious to those who have given themselves to the false, man-centered gospels of today.

Our decision to forgive opens the way for the Holy Spirit to take up His residence in us. Richard Wurmbrand, a Jewish believer who suffered for his faith for fourteen years in a Romanian prison, teaches a profound and correct interpretation of the Lord’s Prayer. He states that “forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors” should be translated “forgive us our debts as we have already forgiven others their debts.” Only through a correct understanding of forgiveness could the martyrs throughout history have responded with grace to their persecutors. Those suffering for their faith had already forgiven their tormentors.

“Forgive us our sins, for we forgive everyone who is indebted to us” (Luke 11:4)

God knows that we will be hurt and betrayed by people. A wise friend, Bert Schlossberg, told us years ago, “You can never walk in the fullness of Jesus until you can wash the feet of Judas.” Rarely can human effort or strength ever wipe away the hurt you feel from what others have done to you in the past. Only through loving trust in Jesus and the power of His grace can you forgive the ‘Judases’ in your life. To the ancient Hebrews God was Yahweh-Rapha, the Lord our healer. Our trust and reliance in God releases His power to remove the sting of those painful memories.

Bert’s words impacted our hearts. On February 21, 1994, we celebrated our twenty-fourth wedding anniversary with him and his wife Exie during our stay with them in Israel. We gathered for dinner at the Biblical Resources Center south of Jerusalem to participate in a reenactment of the Last Supper. We were seated around a triclinium (three-sided) table eating what would have been a traditional Passover meal at the time of Christ. Jesus and His disciples would have reclined on their left side around the three outside edges of the foot-high table with their heads facing the table.

This diagram depicts the likeliest seating arrangement of Jesus and His disciples at the Last Supper:

 

The second position on the left was traditionally the host of the meal. That would have been Jesus. The first position on the left was the “go for” person who assisted the host. John 13:23,25 (“One of them, the disciple whom Jesus loved, was reclining next to Him...Leaning back against Jesus, he asked Him, ‘Lord, who is it?’”) indicates this to be John. The first position on the right represented the lowest place at the table. In John 13:24, Peter motions to John. Speculating that he was embarrassed as a result of the argument over “which of them was to be considered greatest” (see Luke 22:24-32), Peter possibly took this position across from John and Jesus.

Remember that Jesus had responded to His betrayer, Judas, by washing his feet. The third position on the left was reserved for the person whom the host wanted to honor or for special guests outside the family. When Jesus was asked who would betray Him, He said, “‘It is the one to whom I will give this piece of bread when I have dipped it in the dish.’ Then, dipping the piece of bread, he gave it to Judas Iscariot, son of Simon” (John 13:26).

We were deeply affected by the possibility that Jesus would have honored His betrayer. In our hearts we knew that it was within the character of Jesus to do such a thing. Certainly all of us at that meal left with a deeper conviction of how far we who follow in the steps of Jesus must go to forgive those who hurt us.

The Indwelling Holy Spirit: Caring For the Needs of Others

The Jewish people at the time of Jesus’ birth had been anticipating the Messiah for centuries. In Matthew 11 John the Baptist, who was then in prison, sent his disciples to Jesus to ask, “Are You the one who was to come?”

Jesus sent them back to John, responding with six things that the Jews knew from the prophet Isaiah would identify the Messiah when He came: The blind receive sight; the lame walk; those who have leprosy are cured; the deaf hear; the dead are raised; and the good news is preached to the poor. The Messiah was to be recognized by His care for others, a theme repeatedly emphasized for all God’s people throughout both the Hebrew Bible and the Newer Testament.

Hebraic faith required action on the part of the individual. In this light, Jesus Himself reveals what He will demand as a sign of our faith at the final judgment: “Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me” (Matthew 25:40). Each of us needs to consider seriously our covenant responsibilities. If your faith has not caused you to care for others, then you have no faith. James reaffirms this critical Hebraic truth: “Faith without deeds is dead” (James 2:26). This is a far cry from the contemporary faith that goes forward at a meeting, then settles back into a comfortable lifestyle and stays at the “Baby Christian” level forever after.

The consummation of the covenant between Jesus and His follower evidences noticeable change in the follower’s life. When he is sealed with the Holy Spirit, those changes begin to pour out like “living water.”

“I, John, your companion in the suffering and kingdom and patient endurance that are ours in Jesus” (Revelation 1:9).

What picture do you get of the early Church in the book of Acts? Wayne Jacobsen, author of A Passion For God’s Presence, writes:

They were preoccupied with Jesus. Their ministry had power. Their community had reality. They were willing to sacrifice. Believers in the early Church weren’t living up to a slate of expectations. They were simply doing what came naturally to people who loved God with all their hearts.2

Weigh these verses as you consider your relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ: “We proclaim to you what we have seen and heard, so that you also may have fellowship with us. And our fellowship is with the Father and with His Son, Jesus Christ...But if we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, His Son, purifies us from all sin” (1 John 1:3,7, emphasis added). In what ways are you on a daily basis “walking in the light” as Jesus did? Light cannot be hidden, and your “spiritual brightness” should be readily apparent as you walk!

“But if anyone obeys His word, God’s love is truly made complete in him. This is how we know we are in Him: Whoever claims to live in Him must walk as Jesus did” (1 John 2:5,6, emphasis added). “To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in His steps” (1 Peter 2:21, emphasis added). Jesus demonstrated a denial-of-self lifestyle.

Your fellowship must first be with the Father and with His Son, Jesus Christ. If you claim to be in Him, you must walk as Jesus did, a path of suffering. Suffering is not a popular concept in this culture. Yet the early Jewish believers recognized that the world in which we live is an arena of suffering. Rabbi Philip Sigal emphasizes the ancient Hebraic doctrine of suffering as a precedent for salvation. The mystery of God’s covenant relationship with Israel can be seen in the balance of the miraculous interventions of God when He delivered His people and the concealment of His presence during other times of persecution and duress.3 God’s silence did not mean that His covenant had been canceled. He had reasons beyond their, and our, scope of understanding for why He chose not to rescue.

So, too, present believers cry out to God in their painful struggles. Are there times when you have persevered in prayer with faith and trust, only to feel as though the heavens are brass? This is part of the mystery of God for you: Can you by faith cling to His promises of never forsaking you even when it seems He is not responding? The power of your testimony intensifies its impact on others when they see that God has not only sustained you in the midst of the fire but has actually brought you to the point of thanksgiving for the suffering because of the glory God receives through you.

For example, for years a friend had struggled with a debilitating illness. Then her husband became seriously ill and was unable to work. Hospital bills accumulated. She had been asked to speak to a large group of women about her testimony of God’s sustaining power. She found, though, that she couldn’t quite bridge the gap between seeing herself as a victim of adverse circumstances and envisioning herself as a participant in a process of refinement that could strengthen and encourage others who might face similar trials. Depending on how her pilgrimage was presented, hearers would perhaps empathize with the pain and thank God that they hadn’t faced such trials. Or they would give glory to God if thankful joy characterized her presentation. He had indeed healed the sting of the events and had granted her the privilege of joining Him in the cup of suffering. Her subsequent testimony brought glory to God and comforting hope to fellow sufferers.

This latter concept is illustrated in 2 Corinthians 1:3-6:

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer."

The Lord empowers His people to endure the night of affliction through His grace. As we walk in the light, His blood cleanses us, enabling us to follow “in His steps.” The Bible tells us that Jesus “learned obedience from what He suffered” (see Hebrews 5:8). Paul notes in Romans, “Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us” (5:3-5, emphasis added).

Suffering is not only an indispensable part of our relationship and walk with the Lord Jesus. It also represents a vital facet of intimacy with the heavenly Father:

"For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by Him we cry, ‘Abba, Father.’ The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in His sufferings in order that we may also share in His glory. I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us" (Romans 8:15-18, emphasis added).

The Father works in us a glory that can be displayed only through our identification as sons and daughters of suffering. God doesn’t intend for you to go through these struggles all alone, however. When you stand before Him and He announces your name before the host of heaven, He will show you what He accomplished in you. It will not be your merit or religious activity that will count on the judgment day, but Jesus showing His work in removing your sinful nature and imparting His own pure character in you.
.
“Therefore, since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves also with the same attitude, because he who has suffered
in his body is done with sin” (1 Peter 4:1).

Sometimes we Christians are so caught up in our suffering and trials that we are forced to ask ourselves, “Am I suffering because of some special attack by the devil (see 1 Peter 5:8), because of a sin on my part (see James 5:15,16), or because of my participation in the sufferings of Christ (see 1 Peter 4:13)? We might find that we are able to accept an occasional affliction as just a part of the human condition. But there certainly are times when we are confronted with trials from all sides and sources and find that we can no longer “gut it out.” In those situations we would do well to examine our lives and hearts before God to determine if there is indeed a chastisement occurring to return us to God through repentance. (Committed prayer and counsel from a spouse or fellowship of intimate friends can be helpful!)

This is a thoroughly biblical approach and even referred to by the writer of Hebrews as an encouragement (see Hebrews 12:5). God’s intervention in our lives reveals the love He has for us as His children: “My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline and do not resent His rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those He loves, as a father the son he delights in” (Proverbs 3:11,12). Granted, this view may be unpopular in today’s culture of disrespect, delicate psyches, and “I-am-a-victim” mentality. God’s Word, however, does not conform itself to popular opinion.

“Glory in His holy name, let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice. Look to the Lord and His strength; seek His face always” (1 Chronicles 16:10,11).

Lest you become overwhelmed by sorrow and suffering and throw your hands up in despair, remember a key Hebraic principle: joy in the midst of affliction. The Colossian saints were admonished to have great patience and endurance, which are developed only through trial and testing. Yet they are instructed in the same breath to joyfully give thanks to the Father! (See Colossians 1:11,12.) There are over a dozen Hebrew words for joy in the Older Testament. As theologian Carl Henry stated, “Joy is not merely a sporadic experience but an enduring disposition and characteristic of the devout believer. What distinctively marks the believer is joy even in affliction.”4

No stranger to suffering, Paul from his prison cell could urge the Philippian believers to “rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!” (Philippians 4:4). If we truly trust in God’s sovereignty—that nothing can happen to us outside of His will and plan for our lives—then what have we to fear? “Whom have I in heaven but You? And being with You, I desire nothing on earth. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Those who are far from You will perish; You destroy all who are unfaithful to You. But as for me, it is good to be near God” (Psalm 73:25-28).

Even as we are being transformed into the likeness of Christ from one glory to the next, we have also that blessed assurance of our home in heaven. God had promised the people of Israel that the obedient would indeed rise to have body and soul reunited for eternity: “But your dead will live; their bodies will rise. You who dwell in the dust, wake up and shout for joy. Your dew is like the dew of the morning; the earth will give birth to her dead” (Isaiah 26:19). These words of encouragement, “We will be with the Lord forever”(1 Thessalonians 4:17), should never be far from our hearts or from our lips. When was the last time you joyfully pointed a troubled saint back to that reality?

Your ongoing relationship with Him is critical if this is to be accomplished. And as we shall see, this intimacy is all the more crucial if your marriage and family are to bear fruit in a covenant relationship with the Father. “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross” (Hebrews 12:2, emphasis added).

As you read the following poem, ponder your level of trust in the nearness of Jesus in your own life. Do you recognize yourself as a “child of His love?” Is one step enough for your faith to see, or do you need to analyze the destination, implications, and consequences before moving an inch? Can you put a finger on the greatest fear that may be keeping you from trusting wholeheartedly that “in all thy journeying He goes before?”

STEP BY STEP
“As thou goest, step by step I will open the way before thee”
(Proverbs 4:12, New Translation)

Child of My love, fear not the unknown morrow,
Dread not the new demand life makes of thee;
Thy ignorance doth hold no cause for sorrow,
Since what thou knowest not is known to Me.

Thou canst not see today the hidden meaning
Of My Command, but thou the light shalt gain;
Walk on in faith, upon My promise leaning,
And as thou goest, all shall be made plain.
One step thou seest—then go forward boldly,
One step is far enough for faith to see;
Take that, and thy next duty shall be told thee,
For step by step thy Lord is leading thee.

Stand not in fear, thine adversaries counting,
Dare every peril, save to disobey;
Thou shalt march on, all obstacles surmounting,
For I, the Strong, will open up the way.

Wherefore go gladly to the task assigned thee,
Having My promise, needing nothing more
Than just to know, where’er the future find thee,
In all thy journeying I go before.

Frank J. Exley

______________________________

Chapter 9

One—On—One: Marriage

“He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord” (Proverbs 18:22).

When God created Adam, He placed the man in the Garden of Eden to enjoy fellowship with Him and to work. Adam was assigned to take care of the garden and to name the animals and birds. His life had purpose and meaning, but Adam alone of all creation had no partner “according to [his] own kind” (see Genesis 1). The man needed a “helper suitable for him” (see Genesis 2:18, emphasis added). The Hebrew word for helper, ezer, designates one who assists, especially in time of need. It is used most often in reference to God as the One Who meets the needs of Israel. Therefore from this reference point, a woman’s role as a “suitable helper” does not imply subordination. “She is the needed helper whom God supplies to end man’s loneliness and to work alongside him, not the junior assistant.”1 Adam’s authority in the union was denoted by his naming of his wife “woman,” even as God had signified His authority over the heavens and earth by naming them “day,” “night,” “sky,” “land,” and “seas” (see Genesis 1:5-10). The woman that God created was suitable for Adam; she complemented those areas of his nature that were incomplete or lacking.

Government and sociological studies reveal the vast differences between the genders in terms of thought processes, perspectives, and emotional influences, as well as an array of physiological variants. According to Dr. Donald Joy, professor of human development and family studies at Asbury Theological Seminary, the manner in which males and females process information in their brains is strikingly different. Women are able to immediately access past experiences from both hemispheres of the brain and come to speedy conclusions. Men, who differentiate strongly in either their analytical left hemisphere or affective, emotional right hemisphere, require more time to sort, analyze, and conclude. Couples who are unaware of these differences in approach to situations may experience frustration or irritation. “Why can’t my spouse see things my way?”, when God has actually “wired” them differently to make them mutually interdependent!2

This need for one another illustrates the dependence that members in the body of Christ have for one another in order to achieve wholeness. Too often individuals criticize one another for their unique methodology and approach, failing to appreciate the contrast that was designed by God. When unity is achieved in the body, God is certainly the Source!

Viewed in a Hebraic framework, marriage is a pilgrimage together, an individual and collective growth in the character of Jesus. Let the quality of your marriage be a physical representation of your relationship with Jesus. Make John’s words the hallmark of your marriage: “No one has ever seen God; but if we love each other, God lives in us and His love is made complete in us” (1 John 4:12, emphasis added). Check Ephesians 5:33 for facets of a marriage which others can see has been impacted by the Lord: “However, each one of you [husbands] must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband” (emphasis added).

Respect and love in a marriage that displays Jesus can only be accomplished by permitting Him into your midst. Note also that God speaks directly to the husband regarding his love, and to the wife regarding her respect. He does not ask the spouses to remind one another of their particular responsibility! As a husband, you are coordinating your purposes with God’s when you consider in what ways you can become easier to respect. Similarly, as a wife, examine yourself through the eyes of the Spirit to determine how by His grace you can become easier to love. This is not an attempt to earn love and respect but an ongoing opportunity to be a willing and
malleable vessel that testifies to the Potter’s touch as He changes you through His Spirit.

If you are presently married, how did you determine that your intended was God’s will for life partnership with you? Have you ever had doubts since then that you misread His will? Do you still have hope that God can revive and restore your relationship to the place He wants it to be?

The book of Hosea presents some marvelous insights into the character of God as the husband of His wife Israel. Israel had repeatedly committed spiritual adultery, a violation of the marriage covenant, with other gods as she departed from the Lord (see Hosea 1:2). Out of His love and desire to bring her to repentance, God brought upon Israel famine and ruin (see 2:9-13). When she repented out of desperation, Israel declared, “I will go back to my husband as at first, for then I was better off than now” (Hosea 2:7, emphasis added).

Note that God did not respond as an arrogant wronged party; He did not demand a “pound of flesh” for Israel’s transgressions. Instead He determined, “I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert,” away from distractions and responsibilities so that she could focus intently on their relationship, “and speak tenderly to her. There I will give her back her vineyards”— in the desert, where grapes normally do not grow and would thus be totally unanticipated!—“and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope” (2:14,15).

In this situation of infidelity and repentance, God becomes the model of mercy and forgiveness in the context of a marital covenant between Himself and His people. He gives hope to His beloved when she knows she deserves nothing but wrath. What a picture of intimacy and true love! What an eye-opener for you to contemplate your relationship to God as the Bride of Christ in such personal terms!

God continues the marriage theme in Hosea: “In that day, declares the Lord, you will call Me ‘my Husband’; you will no longer call Me ‘my Master’. I will betroth you to Me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the Lord. I will plant her for Myself in the land; I will show My love to the one I called ‘Not My loved one.’ I will say to those called ‘Not My people,’ ‘You are My people’; and they will say, ‘You are My God’” (2:16,19,20,23, emphasis added).

Why would God go to such great lengths in His Word to open His heart to His people as a Husband bereaved by the most devastating of sins, adultery? Is He not indicating that marriage is more than a coming together of a man and woman in relationship but also a covenant illustration of the sanctity of that union in His sight?

The words that Hosea chooses, prostitution, adultery, unfaithfulness, take on even greater significance if we allow our first love for God to deteriorate due to any type of distraction. How incumbent it is on us to reflect in the physical, earthly realm of marriage the reality of our devotion to our Groom, Christ. The devotion of the heart that God seeks from His people is poignantly described by Rabbi Menachem Mendel:

“A bridegroom might under the bridal canopy repeat to the bride ‘You are betrothed” a hundred times. If however he does not add the [Hebrew word] li, ‘[You are betrothed] to me,’ then it is as if he had said nothing. The entire wedding with all its preparations are worthless. The crucial point is li—to me. All of scholarship [is] worthless and all of worship is futile if they do not penetrate my bones. Essential is li.3

How long-suffering, forgiving, and merciful God expects us to be in relation to the spouse to whom we are joined in covenant. How needy we are of His grace to be able to do so! Although our current culture portrays marriage as a disposable option to other lifestyles, God presents an image of permanency and sanctity as the model for married followers of Christ. Does this require circumcision of the heart and total yieldedness to God’s sovereignty through the Holy Spirit? Absolutely! Does the reality of struggling with our sin nature also demonstrate the necessity of our relationship to others in the body of Christ for strengthening, admonishment, and encouragement (not to mention prayer and fasting!)? Most assuredly!!

Because marriage is analogous to Christ’s relationship with the Church (see Ephesians 5:22-33), Satan has focused special attention on keeping Christian marriages from exemplifying the loving radiance of Jesus. In this “atomistic” culture where people are so disconnected from the context of their relationships, even marriage can resemble two parallel existences similar to railroad tracks. A few common concerns, such as the children, pets, or maintenance chores, may act as rail ties that connect a couple’s lives periodically. They do not, however, see themselves as one in the sight of God. In the current Western culture the enemy has kept wives and husbands at bay from the support of the mentoring relationships the Bible calls for, relationships that are nearly non-existent in our churches today. Satan has won this battle. His tactic? Pressure on couples to make it on their own.

Mentors: The Wisdom of the Wise

“They will still bear fruit in old age, they will stay fresh and green” (Psalm 92:14).

We mentioned earlier that the Hebraic people did not expect a married couple to make it on their own. Marriages, like individuals, thirst for the mentoring of older people with wisdom and experience. Too much worldly emphasis has influenced couples to either “gut it out or get out of it.” God is restoring the same kind of community support that so greatly strengthened the relationships in the early Church. This support includes home fellowships, which will be discussed more fully in Chapters 11 and 12, and mentoring.

In light of the biblically Hebraic importance of older people as mentors in our lives, study these statements by Robert Hicks in The Masculine Journey. (The statements below made about men can also pertain to the relationship between older and younger women.)

"In almost every field today the concept of mentoring is being discussed. It is as if a major corrective move is now taking place in business, industry, and educational circles....[Mentoring] holds true in any kind of relationship where an older man seeks to invest his life in younger men... [T]he mentor contributes several things: a brain to pick on, a shoulder to cry on, and an occasional kick in the pants... [T]he mentor cares for the younger man in the totality of his life and wants to see him become successful in life.

"I believe this is the greatest need in the church today. So many younger men in our churches need to hear the voices of older men in some context besides church business meetings. They need the one-on-one, the life experience, the realism of what life was like for them at the same age. Without this mentoring, men either “go it alone” or go it with others who don’t know what they are doing!"4

Examine Proverbs 20:24: “A man’s steps are directed by the Lord. How then can anyone understand his own way?” Most older believers “have made enough mistakes to be useful” to younger men and women. The older person has probably experienced firsthand the crisis or confusion a younger person is facing and can comfort and exhort with his or her silver-refined wisdom. How sad that the ignorance, pride, or insecurity of a younger struggler could keep him or her from seeking out a mentor in time of need.

We cannot overemphasize the importance of older people being “involved” in the lives of their family and spiritual community. The Word tells us, “Children’s children are a crown to the aged” (Proverbs 17:6). How the grandchildren turn out in life is a true reflection of the grandparent’s parenting of their own children. The values and beliefs that really sank into the hearts of the children of one generation will be reflected in the manner in which they then raise their children. Grandparents, stay personally and prayerfully involved with the guidance and training of your children and grandchildren until you die. It is never too late to help make your crown, your grandchildren, more glorious! Mentoring throughout life is biblical. The detrimental loss of the influence of older people is primarily a post-World War II phenomenon. We truly believe that God can use wholehearted believers to undo this tragedy.

In the midst of so much family disintegration, it is perhaps not so unrealistic to consider households of combined generations. Some families are being thrust into this position by job loss or marital breakdown. Others are foregoing nursing homes for their aging parents and making room in their own homes. The proposal to combine households with parents and adult children reflects the Hebraic view of mishpachah: family based on spiritual unity as well as on bloodlines. Currently one in three unmarried adults between the ages of twenty-five and fifty-five live with their parents, as do one in eight divorced adults. Obviously major adjustments are required on the emotional as well as the physical plane for both parties.

Many live with bitterness toward their parents and/or children. Followers of Christ must confront this painful sin through the power of the Holy Spirit and seek forgiveness (see Matthew 5:23,24). Regrettably, as the church as well as American society have experienced in the past two generations, the isolation and self-centered independence of the Greek influence have wreaked havoc with our children’s sense of stability and security.

If you cannot possibly imagine yourself reestablishing contact with parents against whom you hold strong feelings, seek counsel from others in the body. They can join you in prayer to understand how much you have been forgiven at the Cross and how God’s grace enables His children to forgive those who have hurt them. Pray for the healing that only Jesus can give in order that you may become an instrument of reconciliation if He so directs. Then pray for His timing and opportunity to humbly seek forgiveness for the unChristlike attitudes you have been governed by.

The authors have concluded from research in economics and business that the current concept of retirement encourages older people to abandon family responsibilities when they reach a certain age. A national plan for retirement first began in Germany following World War I. Facing hyper-inflation, the government needed a way to convince people to save their money rather than spend it. They developed the idea of “saving for retirement,” choosing the age of sixty-five for job severance. This age was chosen because actuarial tables indicated that only one per cent of the population would live beyond that age. (They neglected to tell the populace that ninety-nine per cent of them probably would not live to collect their savings.) Over the decades, saving toward a compulsory retirement age has become standard in most industrialized nations, even as longevity has risen dramatically throughout the world.

To save for the future is biblical: “Go to the ant, you sluggard; consider its ways and be wise. It has no commander, no overseer or ruler, yet it stores its provisions in summer and gathers its food at harvest” (Proverbs 6:6,7). But this concept has become grossly distorted in the United States. Rather than an admonition to save for old age, “retirement” has become a withdrawal from family responsibilities, a relocation to the “sun belt”, a pleasure-oriented senior citizen culture.

This destructive “retirement system” has not only uprooted older women from helping the younger women (see Titus 2:4,5) but has also fostered the very life of self-indulgence the Bible warns against: “But the widow who lives for pleasure is dead even while she lives” (1 Timothy 5:6). An ever-increasing number of lonely senior ladies exist without purpose in convalescent homes and cavernous old homesteads. Because some have forsaken their God-given responsibility to younger women, has God permitted them to be treated as “dead even while she lives”? It is not too late to change this situation.

Has God placed older men and women in your networks of relationship? Some may be your own relatives. Others may be acquaintances who would love to be surrogate family members. Pray for eyes to see those to whom He has given access, then follow up on His lead with a visit or call. Not only will you be inviting them to sense a new purpose and meaning in life, but you will be reaping an extended family for yourself and for your children.

The Husband

“Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers” (1 Peter 3:7)

Husbands who are inconsiderate of their wives not only hurt their spouse but hinder their own ability to communicate with God. How men need to be sensitive to any loss of vitality in their relationship with the Lord! Ephesians 5:25-27 reveals an important duty of the husband in his home: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to Himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless” (emphasis added).

The statement “cleansing her by the washing with water through the word” indicates a vital role for a husband in his wife’s spiritual development. “Word” in this passage is rhema, not logos. The husband is not being enjoined in this passage to teach his wife the logos, that is, the Bible. His responsibility is far more than that. He is to bring to light the application of the truths of God, the rhema, to her life. As the priest in his home, he is commanded to uphold God’s will and to teach his wife and family. (This will be discussed more fully under “The Government of the Home,” below.)

As mentioned earlier, part of the restoration of the early Church’s vitality includes the return of the older mentoring sages. God has ordained that mature men of wisdom provide counsel for husbands. Our culture puts great strain on men to “know everything about everything”, but the Lord doesn’t expect a husband to be all-knowing. He wants a man to trust in the wise counsel and leadership of older men. “Older men [are] to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance” (Titus 2:2). Satan knows that men are changed more through personal contact with role models than by any formal teaching. He will do everything to keep younger men away from the sages so that temperate and self-controlled behavior will not be passed along. Even congregations are often subdivided into age-related, homogeneous groupings that shield the generations from close contact with each other.

Congregations should seriously examine the isolation of young men from access to older men, and encourage or even provide opportunity for them to gather informally to share their concerns and bear one another’s burdens. Men who find themselves talked at by lecturers in church settings (the abstract Greek approach) are really hungering for the rabbinical example of role modeling and the Hebraic experiential approach. Jesus taught with parables and stories because men are more responsive to a pictorial, affective approach. This is why men so often “swap stories” when they get together. They can visualize the situation and relive it with the person sharing it. Men who have no outlet to express their feelings and burdens often lack inner tranquillity and self-control. Could this be contributing to our nation’s rampant family and spousal abuse?

Examine the relationships you currently have with other men in your extended family, your worship community, your social activities, your workplace. Who among these have you called on for encouragement or counsel? Are there any older sages among these men? If not, stop and pray that God would reveal to you those men with whom you can load-bear on a deeper level. Then approach them with the prospect. Be prepared to offer creative alternatives for meeting times, such as early morning before work or opportunities when the two families can meet and you two men can take a walk for awhile. Any perceived inconvenience will quickly be dispelled as you form a bond of trust and accountability.

The Wife

“Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husband so that, if any of them do not believe in the word, they may be won over without talk by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives” (1 Peter 3:1,2).

In her submission a wife is really yielding to the Lordship of Jesus, Who has set her husband in authority over her. Women need to seek out older women for counsel and wisdom. Nobody expects a young wife to know everything. “[Older women] can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God” (Titus 2:4,5).

The relationship between older and younger women is critical. Satan knows that the wisdom passed along in this relationship will keep the Word of God from being maligned. He will do everything to prevent these relationships from occurring within the church. There are a million excuses for how you can’t possibly fit another thing into your life. However, reprioritizing for the sake of harmony in your home is worth any inconvenience when God reveals to you the woman or women who desire to be in a mentoring relationship with you!

Do you have some cherished woman friends whom you recognize in your spirit to be mature women of God? Ask them to share with you their life lessons that touch your present needs, both their successes and failures, and to identify which biblical principles were applied or missed. Then pray about a woman God may reveal to you who is either newer in the faith or earlier in her life pilgrimage who would be blessed to have you as her mentor and friend!

We have a friend in her twenties who was pleasantly surprised when a younger woman in her congregation shyly approached her to askif she would disciple her. Our friend had never considered herself to be an “older woman,” but since she herself was being mentored by some older women in her congregation’s care group, she felt pleased to be able to pass along the lessons she was learning and to nurture a new friend as well!

“The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down” (Proverbs 14:1).

Despite the current prevalence of wives and mothers in the workplace, the home still represents the heart of a woman’s influence. Hebraic believers recognized the woman’s great worth as she raised godly children and maintained shalom bayit, the peace of the home. In biblical times the family rather than the individual was the basic unit of society. Women as well as men were always seen in conjunction with others. For a woman specifically, connectedness came through her husband or her father, the ones God had raised up to provide for and protect her. If her husband died while she was still young, a woman was counseled to remarry so that she not eat of the bread of idleness and gossip: “Therefore, I would rather the young widows get married, have children and take charge of their homes, so as to give the opposition no occasion for slandering us” (1 Timothy 5:14, Jewish New Testament).5

So treasured was the home that on each weekly Sabbath celebration the wife was extolled by her husband through his reading of Proverbs 31:10-31 (actually, in Jesus’s time, the husband sang it to her!). The truths from those verses were a reminder of the parameters of womanly godliness in the home and the dependent relationship of the spouses with each other. If there was disharmony between the spouses, the situation needed to be amended before the Proverbs selection was read so that hypocrisy would not discolor the Sabbath.

Because marriage was considered a sacred trust rather than a legal obligation, the husband recognized that his wife was consecrated to him, set apart for a special relationship. How different the contemporary view of the marriage covenant would be if Christians grasped the significance of both the covenant and the consecration involved!

As the Holy Spirit guides your husband, he may want to read Proverbs 31:10-31 to you while your children are present. Such expressive appreciation not only affirms your worth to your family but sets before you aspirations of godliness that the Spirit can accomplish in you by grace!

The Government of the Home

“The women added, ‘When we burned incense to the Queen of Heaven and poured out drink offerings to her, did not our husbands know that we were making cakes like her image and pouring out drink offerings to her?’” (Jeremiah 44:19).

The wives referred to in Jeremiah’s quote, above, excused their sin with the defense that their husbands were well aware of their idol worship. Over our years at the retreat center, one of the most common difficulties that married men confessed was an inability to differ with or correct their wives. One method of non-confrontation found the husband playing ignorant. Even the most loving of them admitted that it took great courage to confront his wife or to voice a different view than hers. Yet the Lord’s warning applies to those who feel ignorance is excusable: “If you say, ‘But we knew nothing about this,’ does not He who weighs the heart perceive it? Does not He who guards your life know it? Will He not repay each person according to what he has done?” (Proverbs 24:12).

On women’s retreats the vast majority of married women would confess control mechanisms that they used on their husbands and families. Sadly, one of the side effects of control is that the children are raised in an atmosphere of duplicity. As they grow, the children observe the unchecked wrongful attitudes and behavior of their mother as she secretly does things “behind the back” of their father. (Obviously, control can also characterize the father and produce the same results.) This too agitates the children. They respond with fear, alienation, rebellion, or withdrawal, carrying within them a distorted view of parental authority and of the authority position in general.

Perhaps you are in a marriage marred by dominant control or subtle manipulation. You may even be at the point of hopelessness that your relationship could ever become more Christlike. Take heart from these encouraging words from author and counselor Lois Mowday:

"We need to accept the enormity of our problem. And, with aggressive determination, we need to accept the enormity of our God...He takes broken hearts and hard hearts and restores them. He takes broken lives and makes them whole in fantastic, unforeseeable ways. He takes our shattered dreams and replaces them with new contentment. The ingredients He needs to accomplish these miracles in our lives are repentance, forgiveness, commitment, a decision to put Him first, lives yielded to Him in the middle of excruciating pain, and time."6

We cannot say enough concerning the many Christian families that are suffering severe consequences due to the paucity of older women offering themselves as friends and mentors to younger wives and mothers. Are you willing to choose to trust God to work in your spouse’s life as well as in your own as you earnestly seek Him in prayer? And for your own well-being as well as that of your family, are you willing to prayerfully seek out an older woman as a spiritual mentor? If you are an older woman, are you willing to make yourself available to guide and encourage a needy younger woman?

“He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect. (If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?)” (1 Timothy 3:4,5).

Leadership traits of an elder [Hebrew zaken], the gray-haired man of both the synagogue and early Church, were learned over time. The primary “school” for development of character was a man’s home: “Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God” (1 Corinthians 11:3). His home leadership was developed in cooperative relationship with his wife and was recognized by how he raised his children. Because of the noble character of his wife, this man could join with other elders: “Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land” (Proverbs 31:23).

The Hebraic elder was a leader of influence in his community, a shaper of public opinion and a civic leader who was not afraid to dissent. The elders at the city gate made decisions for the entire community. The resolutions they handed down revealed the halakhah, the way in which the principles laid down in the Scriptures were to be enacted. Today there is such a great need for mature men of God to be role models of integrity for other men who desire to grow as Christlike leaders: “Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ” (1 Corinthians 11:1).

The writer of Hebrews stipulates that the aftermath of a person’s life is an essential prerequisite for heeding his teachings: “Remember your leaders, who spoke the word of God to you. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith. Jesus is the same yesterday today and forever” (Hebrews 13:7,8, emphasis added). The reminder that “Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever” follows on the heels of “imitate their way of life.” This is the Holy Spirit’s admonition for the apostles and for all subsequent church leaders: Follow Jesus’s example of servanthood. Avoid systems that are so impersonal that you cannot individually know or imitate the life of those in leadership. For his welfare and for yours, no leader should become a sacerdotal, a high priest/intermediary, between God and a congregation.

Would you want for your children a teacher who “had all the facts straight” but whose personal moral life was a shambles? We are our brother’s keeper, not to condemn but to come alongside to turn with love toward an obedient and trusting relationship with Christ. Recognize that those in spiritual leadership will come under increased spiritual attack as they impact lives for the glory of God. Have you committed to pray regularly and specifically for the particular needs and families of your spiritual leaders and mentors?

“All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained” (Philippians 3:15,16).

While we were living in Israel Mike overheard two men in our neighborhood having a heated debate. Our Jewish host Bert asked if he thought that the relationship was being jeopardized by the strong disagreement. Mike certainly thought that the men couldn’t walk away as friends after such intense shouting. Bert replied, “That is the way it is with Gentiles. Whenever they disagree they become alienated and estranged from each other. That isn’t so with Jewish people. Our relationships are more important than the issues we may disagree with.” We were deeply convicted by Bert’s observation. We also realized how greatly married couples need to treasure their relationship and not become divided over issues: “He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends” (Proverbs 17:9).

Have you noticed the incredible increase of intolerance for interpersonal differences permeating both our society and the church as well? People are walking away from each other over trivial matters. This intolerance is destroying marriages, families, and friendships. The Greek/Gentile tendency is to take an adversarial approach to disagreements and react personally when others differ with you, to the point that your mutual affections are often alienated. The Greek influence of win/lose, right/wrong depreciates your relational joy and focuses on the outcome of the decision. From this vantage point, someone must be the winner, someone the loser.

Believers fail to recognize that differences exist because we are different. Besides gender, personality, and background, spiritual gifting may cause us to perceive situations differently. A person who is an exhorter will want to see the steps taken that will immediately bring about resolution, while a person with a mercy gift may avoid facing a difficult issue out of concern for the other’s feelings. Rather than trying to persuade the other person to agree with our view, let us more consistently heed Paul’s admonition to let God make the point of discussion clear (see Philippians 3:15).

In Acts 15:36-41, Paul and Barnabas argued over whether to take Mark with them on their next missionary trip: “They had such a sharp disagreement that they parted company. Barnabas took Mark and sailed for Cyprus” (v. 39). Even though a “sharp disagreement” had occurred, it did not rupture their relationship in the way that many Gentiles read into this event. Remember that it had been Barnabas who had courageously made contact with Paul after his conversion when everyone else was still fearful of him: “When he [Paul] came to Jerusalem, he tried to join the disciples, but they were all afraid of him, not believing that he really was a disciple. But Barnabas took him and brought him to the apostles. He told them how Saul on his journey had seen the Lord and that the Lord had spoken to him, and how in Damascus he had preached fearlessly in the name of Jesus” (Acts 9:26,27).

When that disagreement arose, the church at Antioch put the matter into the hands of God: “But Paul chose Silas and left, commended by the brothers to the grace of the Lord” (v. 40). It is doubtful that Barnabas denounced Paul to young Mark, for Mark later joined Paul in his ministry: “My fellow prisoner Aristarchus sends you his greetings, as does Mark, the cousin of Barnabas. (You have received instructions about him; if he comes to you, welcome him)” (Colossians 4:10); “Only Luke is with me. Get Mark and bring him with you, because he is helpful to me in my ministry” (2 Timothy 4:11).
In another situation, Paul, in a remarkable act of courage, had to confront Peter: “When Peter came to Antioch, I opposed him to his face, because he was in the wrong” (Galatians 2:11). Paul expressed the intense emotions that such encounters cost him: “I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling” (1 Corinthians 2:3). Throughout the Scriptures the ability to confront an issue while maintaining the relationship is seen as the pattern of God’s people with each other: “If your brother sins, go and show him his fault” (Matthew 18:15); “If you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift” (Matthew 5:23,24).

Isn’t this a major weakness in our relationships? By not loving one another enough to recognize and confront our differences, we knock the blossom off relationships that were meant to glorify the Father. We are so afraid to confront issues on which we disagree that we allow feelings of woundedness or bitterness to fester. Underlying tension and apprehension become the hallmark between us. Commitment and true fellowship require belonging to one another vulnerably, warts and all.

The authors believe that God expects, and possibly even brings about, differing opinions in marriages and other close relationships. As with other things in life that we value dearly, we might hold on tightly to our opinions and beliefs with strong conviction. But by His grace and the teachings in His Word, God expects us to work through these differences whenever possible. We must learn how to confront with love.

“A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense” (Proverbs 19:11).

Most communication differences or issues between spouses or others in relationship can be resolved if the conflict is viewed as a point of difference between the parties, i.e., “We have a problem” not “You have a problem.” If your home seems filled with disorder, squabbling children, and frantic schedules, don’t accuse your spouse of gross mismanagement or your children of blatant rebellion. Instead, define the nature of the problem: Too many activities? Late nights? Unrealistic expectations of orderliness? Too little cooperation? Once the problem has been defined, then set out possible solutions to achieve the goal. In this case it might be harmony in the home, or task delegation, or elimination of certain outside activities. Focus on identifying and solving the problematic issue rather than on changing your mate’s personality!

We in Christ are also in each other as members of His body. We must permit our differences to be spoken with the emotional intensity with which they are held without feeling threatened by the emotions expressed. (Keep in mind, however, that self-control is a fruit of the Spirit that evidences His work: “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1). The stoic approach that the western church inherited from the Greek philosophers frowns on any display of strong emotion.

Emotional expression is biblical, however, as long as it is not aimed as a weapon at anyone: “Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing” (Proverbs 12:18). Many men in particular are caught in the stoic trap. They hold in their emotions for so long that when they finally do release feelings, they often express them destructively. If we grasp our biblically Hebraic roots—that relationships are more important than issues—our faith can trust that in all differences “God will make it plain.”

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Chapter 10

One–On–One: Parenting

The significance of the marriage covenant and the permanency of the relationship between a husband and wife is emphasized so strongly in the Word because God has special plans and purposes that go beyond personal fulfillment between a man and a woman. Note marriage from God’s perspective: “She is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant. Has not the Lord made them one? And why one? Because He was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit and do not break faith with the wife of your youth” (Malachi 2:14,15, emphasis added). The Lord Who opens the womb (see Genesis 29:31) has left instructions with the parents on how to produce “godly” offspring! His Word is full of practical application. His family of believers, mishpachah, has been designed as a body to minister counsel and wisdom to parents.

Whatever has not been implanted in the hearts of the parents, however, is not likely to be produced in their children (outside of direct revelation and intervention by God). Godliness encompasses a trusting faith and obedience to the Lordship of Christ, His privilege and position in our lives to expe