Cyber Truths By E-mail
3. He Made Them Male And Female (February 18, 2005)
Dear Friends,
As we sent forth the email yesterday about our video series Jesus In Your Home, many things were going on in our lives at the time! We'd hoped to getaway for some crosscountry skiing in the nearby mountains. We'd planned on leaving at 8 AM, but didn't get out of the house until 11AM. We shouldn't have been surprised. Since we began taping Jesus In Your Home about a month ago, I've been plagued with both physical and technical problems that produced a lot of discouragement. I found myself fighting a complaining spirit that came to a head two days ago. I knew I needed a changed heart, and Sue and I both cried out to our Lord for help.
On Wednesday evening we went over to the club house to work out. I swim laps in the pool while Sue walks the treadmill. We picked up our mail along the way, and there was David Wilkerson's latest teaching letter. The Holy Spirit prompted me to open it and read the title before I went into the pool: "Offended In Christ — When God Seems Slow To Answer Expectations." I knew before I read the letter that I better clean up my act! As I swam laps with my mask and snorkel I renounced strongholds and repented of sins. Talking to God through my snorkel, I asked the Holy Spirit to reveal all areas of darkness in my soul. Good thing I was alone in the pool!
Having repented, David's letter proved to be very encouraging rather than a gigantic rebuke. He wrote about John the Baptist and others who found themselves with dismay toward God because they didn't understand His timing. And as God faithfully reassured these followers of old, He did me as well. The work we were doing, as well as the delays and glitches, were according to His Divine plan. And part of that plan was designed to increase my trust, patience, and perseverance.
Yesterday we left for the mountains at precisely the time our Lord wanted us to leave, 11AM. Despite the delay, Sue and I were both perfectly at peace. Our Lord had a Divine encounter planned for us, and He needed us in full fellowship with Him to walk in His purposes. When we arrived at the Visitor's Center at the park, we headed off to our respective restrooms. I could hear Sue laughing as she talked with someone. The Holy Spirit prompted me to follow up on what had gone on in there. As we walked back to the parking lot Sue told me she'd overheard a woman sharing with her friend how she saw God working in a remodeling job being done in her home. So Sue commented to the ladies how faithful our Lord Jesus is to bring just the right people to fill a need when His children cry out to Him.
As Sue and I began to drive out of the parking lot, the "remodeling" woman walked over to the van. I immediately stopped and turned the engine off. I knew that God wanted us to maximize our contact with this woman. As we talked with her, her friend came over. They were both followers of Jesus. Their husbands were on staff at the Air Force Academy. One woman was about our age, and she was mentoring the other who was in her early forties. We talked together for almost two hours. The more we brought up the Hebraic foundations, the more excited they became. Not just about the truths, but we all sensed the Divine TIMING of this encounter. Two weeks earlier, God had prompted me to put several copies of our books in the van. The ladies were delighted to receive these!
This morning the Holy Spirit prompted me to write this email because of something I shared with the ladies about marriage. It's something we've increasingly understood since our own redirection in Israel. This coming Monday, Sue and I will have been married 35 years. In Israel, after we had come to understand the nature of covenant both with our Father and with each other, we renewed our marriage vows on our 24th anniversary. In many ways, because of what has happened in the last 11 years, we value more our 11 years of "covenant of marriage" rather than the 35 years of being married.
What we shared with the ladies (which brought the younger one to tears and repentance) is this: A man brings with him into marriage his basic nature to NOT uphold all the responsibilities God requires of him. A male's basic nature, inherited from Adam, is to blame others or give excuses when he falls short. Adam complained, “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it" (Genesis 3:12). To the degree that a man has held significant responsibility for other people before he got married is the degree to which he will try to live out ALL the responsibilities that marriage demands of him. If he's had little responsibility for others, he'll marry a woman based on elements that feed his own personality and ego. And, it will be that much harder for him to fulfill what is required of him by God and his family. When problems occur or someone holds him accountable, he'll resort to his basic nature by blaming others and giving excuses.
What every woman brings into a marriage is a curse that goes back to Eve. What was her sin? The same sin for which Satan got thrown out of heaven: wanting to be on par with God. “For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil” (Genesis 3:4). Because of this unholy desire that led her to sin, God cursed all women with a desire for control, as this paraphrase of Genesis 3:16 reveals: "Your desire will be to rule over your husband, but he will rule over you.” When we've asked married women if they had a choice of loving or controlling their husbands and families, which would they choose? 93% chose control — they wanted to achieve a desired outcome, and did whatever they felt necessary to bring it about.
So both man and woman enter their marriage covenant bearing a character flaw that is detrimental to marital success. The word "covenant" can mean "to live in union with." This union dimension is also our Father's goal for those who follow His Son, Jesus. When we embrace the Gospel of the Covenant, the Holy Spirit comes to dwell within. Through the conviction and empowerment of the Spirit, the husband and wife are the means of helping each other in the sanctification that will display the character of Jesus more and more in their marriage.
A wife as an ezer helps her husband fulfill ALL of his responsibilities before God. A key responsibility is the peace of their home. Jesus says it is better for Sodom and Gomorrah than for a man who does not know how to keep shalom (harmony, wellbeing) in his home. He told His apostles to not even stay in the home of a man who doesn't know how to keep peace. The Hebrew letters in shalom mean "authority that keepschaos in check." Death to his own personality and selfish motivations enables a man to acquire the sacrificial character of Jesus, Who died for His calledout ones. Without dying to his basic nature, a man will never reflect the loving and sacrificial leadership of Jesus in his marriage. Only the Holy Spiritempowered love for his wife enables a man to die and be resurrected, representing Jesus in his home.
A husband helps his wife set aside the curse of control. He does this through proper exercise of his Godordained authority as "head" of their home. Remember, biblical authority is the responsibility to include or exclude, to commend or correct. By walking this out as Jesus intends, a husband helps his wife acquire a key Christlike character quality, deference. It is deference, as found in the character of Jesus, that enables her to be the ezer God intended. Deference means that she willingly limits her own freedoms so that she doesn't contend against the authority of her husband. Deference permits her to be at peace in all circumstances. Where there is peace, love blossoms!
The Covenant of Marriage that our Lord designs breaks the curse of Adam and Eve. With the help of each other, along with the help from older mentors, a couple can grow in Christlikness. Their marriage will display the character of Jesus. Our Father intended the marriage covenant to be the physical representation of the Covenant we have with Him in the Spirit. The two are intricately linked! The central focus of our Covenant with Him is Jesus. And Jesus is the central focus in our marriage as well. Through the Spirit of Christ in both the husband and wife, sanctification into Christlikeness is made possible. No curse any longer, but freedom to love and experience love!
If you were raised in a home that cooperated with the Spirit in this manner, the sanctification of your own marriage has the potential of being that much easier. If you weren't raised in a family like this, your humble dependence and crying out to God for help is that much more crucial.
A Note Of Caution: When children arrive, our Father's goal for developing Christlikeness between the husband and the wife together can get waylaid. A woman may lose focus on her role as ezer to her husband and allow motherhood to become much more significant to her. In time, like Eve (and Rebekah), she is seduced into a role of control or manipulation. She becomes an intermediary between her husband and her children. If the children are hurt by any of his actions or words, she comforts them in such a way that diminishes him. Without even being aware of it, she becomes more controlling, and the marriage becomes more estranged. He senses a growing wall between himself and his wife, and a barrier of disregard is erected by the children toward him. [It was at this point that the younger woman with whom we talked in the parking lot broke into tears. She and her husband have 5 children, and she confessed that this is exactly what she has done to her husband. She was no longer the wife God wanted her to be; she was predominantly the children's mother.]
If you are married (or have married friends who would benefit from this counsel), consider:
1. What does our Lord desires to remove from each spouse that hinders intimacy and character growth?
2. What does He desire to produce in them together to strengthen their 3fold cord of unity to fulfill His purposes?
3. What hindrances are there to both of them helping each other grow into Christlikeness?
We hope this email will help those for whom our Lord intends it.
Mike &Sue Dowgiewicz
