Christ-like Loyalty Is Wholehearted
Commitment To Another Person
“Greater love has no one than this,
that he lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13).
When you read these profound words of our
Lord Jesus, you probably think it refers to someone dying in
order to save another person’s life. Images come to mind
of a courageous soldier jumping on a hand grenade or a loving
mother leaping in front of a truck to push her child out of
danger. You certainly have to be dead
to yourself to respond so
heroically!
In Teaching E-mail 22. How Eager Are You?, we
wrote how we used to toss a simulated hand grenade into groups
of people at our retreat center. We wanted them to see who
would jump on it so that others might live. The scenario was
this:
“You have three seconds before the
hand grenade blows up. One...two... three...”
• 0% of the clergy ever jumped on the
grenade. Not one!!!
• 10% of non-clergy men jumped on the
grenade.
• 50% of the women and teenagers
jumped on the hand grenade.
When people don't have time to analyze the
pro's and con's, their true heart is often revealed!
Nobody is born prepared to die for others.
This is an acquired character trait that calls for deep
humility and love. Yet dying to
ourselves and becoming more like Jesus through His Spirit is
the essential purpose of our sanctification—our Father’s goal for us each and every
day we live.
Many Christians eagerly look for the
“out there” type of miracles that they read about
in missions magazines. These are wondrous testimonies to our God’s amazing
power! But the most ongoing miracle
Sue and I have witnessed over the years is the transformation
our Lord Jesus has made in each of us through the working of
His Spirit. The grateful
testimonies of who we once were and how our Lord
has changed us gives hope to
others.
The painful process of dying to the sin
nature and taking on the character of Jesus is hardly mentioned in
western Christendom, never mind being emphasized as an
essential part of our life journey in Jesus. And, if
we’re to judge by recent communications, many who do want
to follow in the steps of Jesus have also missed this all
important truth.
(Please review Teaching E-mail 37. Are You Violating Our Holy God’s Law?, for more on the importance of personal
sanctification.)
God’s Word makes clear the nature of
loyalty which sanctified hearts produce:
Loyalty calls you to lay aside your
personal desires and wants so that you lovingly and willingly
meet the needs of others.
Loyalty is developed and deepened
throughout the life of anyone who yearns to become more like
Jesus. This is the work of the indwelling Spirit as you yield
to Him. The character trait of loyalty is learned, not
inherited. And, the depth in which
loyalty is instilled in you affects the intensity of your
commitment to others.
“A man of many companions may come
to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a
brother”
(Proverbs 18:24).
Saul’s son Jonathan and David the
son of Jesse experienced deep loyalty with each other, an
allegiance so intense that they entered a covenant together:
After David had finished talking with
Saul, Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself. From
that day Saul kept David with him and did not let him return to
his father’s house. And Jonathan made a covenant with
David because he loved him as
himself (1 Samuel 18:1-3).
Not only does this impassioned type of
loyalty apply to friendships, but even more so to the covenant
of marriage. In his fervent passage in Ephesians 5 on the
marital relationship, Paul stresses the underlying message of
loving your spouse with the same intensity of devotion as
Christ loves His chosen, called-out ones: “In this same way, husbands ought to love
their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself” (5:28).
In essence, the apostle is directing a
husband to the kind of covenant love he should offer his wife
— sacrificially responding to her as he himself wants to
be treated. Anything less would be disloyalty in their
relationship.
Another insight into the life of King
David displays loyalty at its finest:
At that time David was in the stronghold,
and the Philistine garrison was at Bethlehem. David longed for water and
said, ‘Oh, that someone would get me a drink of water
from the well near the gate of Bethlehem!’ So the three
mighty men broke through the
Philistine lines, drew water from
the well near the gate of Bethlehem and carried it back to
David. But he refused to drink it; instead, he poured it out before the LORD. Far be it from me, O LORD, to do this!” he
said. ‘Is it not the blood of
men who went at the risk of their lives?’ And David would not drink it. Such were the
exploits of the three mighty men” (2 Samuel 23:14-17).
Does it seem foolish to you that these men
risked their lives to satisfy a longing of their beloved
commander? Their willingness as well as David’s
recognition of the precious love that lay behind this hazardous
mission reveals a mutual devotion to lay down their lives
— not because they have to but because such profound loyalty compels them.
• Can you name any people you
personally know who would risk their lives for you? Would you
risk yours for someone else? What would it take for you to lay
down your life, your ambitions and desires to wholeheartedly
meet the needs of another?
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Biblical loyalty is personified and summed
up in the person of our Lord Jesus. He intentionally and
purposefully lived in total loyalty to His Father, and then
exemplified sacrificial loyalty on behalf of those He loved. How do we as His beloved display loyalty to Him
and to others? When we willingly and lovingly yield to His Spirit in us so He can mold us to be like our King and Master.
Again, loyalty is a learned character
trait as we decide to heed the righteous path He sets before
us. It comes about and grows as we make sacrificial choices:
• Loyalty grows and deepens as you
continually set aside your own desires and perceived rights in
order to meet the needs and desires of another person.
• Loyalty increases with each sacrifice you
choose to make on behalf of someone else.
• The loyalty found in the Bible
impels you toward a relational belonging that’s marked by mutual cooperation. And, your willingness
to be inconvenienced expresses in a
very real way your heartfelt love for the other person. As
mutual cooperation and willingness to be inconvenienced become
more deeply engrained in your character, so will the trait of
loyalty be more firmly rooted in you.
A Disloyal Person Serves The Ambitions Of
His/Her Sin Nature
It seems self-evident that a disloyal
person has little or no desire to serve the interests of
others. Their inner ambition is basically to take care of
themselves and meet their own wants and needs regardless of how
that selfish focus affects others in their life.
Scriptural examples confirm that bitter
people lack loyalty. Rather, they use other people to achieve
their own ambitions. Acts, chapter 8, offers a clear picture of
unrighteous disloyalty in Simon the Sorcerer. This man had long
enjoyed the acclaim of the people of Samaria, not only
proclaiming himself to be great but hoodwinking them with his
sorceries as well. This man was full of pride in his ongoing
lust for power!
Philip, moved by a heart to bring the good
news of the Messiah, journeyed to that city and became a vessel
through which mighty miracles were done by God. Simon himself
believed — but not with a repentant heart of obedient
trust! His disloyalty was amply proven when Peter and John
arrived to pray that the Holy Spirit come upon the baptized:
When Simon saw that the Spirit was given
at the laying on of the apostles’ hands, he offered them money and
said, ‘Give me also this
ability so that everyone on whom I lay my hands may
receive the Holy Spirit.’ But Peter said to him,
“Your money perish with you, because you
thought that the gift of God could
be purchased with money!
You have no part or share in this
ministry, because your heart is not
right in the sight of God. Repent of this wickedness and pray to the Lord. Perhaps He will forgive you for having such a thought in your heart. For I see that you are poisoned
by bitterness and bound by iniquity’ (Acts 8:18-23).
Simon’s heart was wicked from
God’s holy perspective. The thoughts of his heart were
tainted by the pollution of bitterness. He was captive to sin
which had been fed by pride and worldly values.
If you hold bitterness toward another
person, then you have failed to grasp the depth of the sin that you needed to be forgiven. Remember, it
only took one sin of any of us for Jesus to willingly pay the
death penalty we each deserve. Just one of our sins put Him on
the cross so that we might be reconciled to our Father. In
light of such sacrificial love, how can any of us be bitter
toward another?
No bitter, unforgiving person can
cooperate with the interests and purposes of our Lord Jesus. As
we’ve written in our Hebraic Article, Is Interpersonal Apprehension Hindering You From
Experiencing The Love Of Jesus?, bitterness often underlays co-dependent
relationships. (See Diagram 1 on the next page.) The bitterness
that’s imprisoning the heart of each person nullifies the
atoning work of Jesus on the cross on their behalf. The bitter
person’s refusal to forgive means that the Father will
not forgive them.
How does disloyalty lodge within a
person’s heart? As we’ll discuss, an Independent Spirit and a Wounded Spirit lead to the foul fruit of Bitterness.
Various forms of bitterness can plague the
unforgiving. The most common and hurtful type is begrudging bitterness, which is manifested by seething resentment. [See
Teaching E-mail 10. Apprehension:
The Silent Destroyer, for more on
begrudging bitterness.]
However, keep this caveat in mind: Any form of
bitterness reveals pride, a motive which compels our Father to
oppose its holder (see James 4:6; 1 Peter 5:5). As we warned in
our Hebraic Article, The Gospel of
the Covenant Is the Pilgrimage to Salvation, our Father will not consummate His Covenant with a
bitter person who refuses to forgive.
In co-dependent relationships, all who have allowed
the unrighteous relational prison to go on have missed the
grace Jesus offers them (Hebrews 12:15). As a result, in one
way or another, all those involved have defiled themselves with
begrudging bitterness. Unable to love in spirit and in truth,
their bitterness traps them in the prison of co-dependency.
They may be together, but their
relations are mired in fear and bitterness rather than infused
with loyalty.
Note: Because of the lack of emphasis on sanctification within
western Christendom, vast numbers of marriages and families are
held together not by love or loyalty, but by fear and
apprehension (co-dependence). So few evidence the love defined
in 1 Corinthians 13 as the hallmark of those who follow Jesus
as their Lord and King.
Let’s revisit bitter Simon the
Sorcerer who couldn’t see the depth of his own sin.
Peter’s instructions to him were pointed: “Repent of this
wickedness and pray to the Lord.” However, the unrepentant Simon wanted neither the righteous requirement
to turn from his sinful wickedness nor the relational
responsibility of an authentic walk in Jesus. Instead, he
sidestepped by calling upon the apostle to do it in his place: “‘Pray to the Lord for me, that none of the things which you have spoken
may come upon me’” (Acts
8:24).
Over the years various Christians have
asked us, “Would you pray that I would repent?” This
request is as deceitful as it is unscriptural! Whenever someone
asks you to pray that they’d repent, in their pride they
have no intention of repenting! They may not like the
consequences of their willful sin, but they’re still
captive to enjoying it.
If they truly intended to turn away from
their sin and turn to God for forgiveness and reconciliation
— biblical repentance — their burdened hearts would drive
them to respond to the Spirit and repent.
“The wrath of God is being revealed
from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of men
who suppress the truth by their wickedness, since what may be
known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain
to them”
(Romans 1:18,19).
The above passage has particular
application to the begrudgingly bitter. What has God made plain about
Himself? His eternal power and identity as the only true God.
He commands His people to love Him as their God, and to pass
that love along to others in the way they want to be loved
themselves (Matthew 22:37-40). This is the truth that the
unrighteous suppress in order to hold onto their dark attitudes
toward others.
Our God, ever true to His Word, keeps
those who are deliberately disobedient in their bitter
unforgiveness under His wrath — a prison of emotional
torture (Matthew 18:34,35). But there’s good news! The
bitter person has the key to free him/herself by humbly
and trustingly turning to Jesus for the power to love God and
others as they want to be loved.
Among the thousands we’ve ministered
to over the years, the number one source of bitterness is a
person’s parent(s). Unresolved bitterness toward
parent(s) is the root from which other unforgiveness springs. NO
healing can occur until the bitter person completely and
without reservation fulfills the command of God to
“forgive” (Matthew 6:15) — and only by the
grace of our Lord Jesus can that occur.
Intensity of heart and will is needed to
have the kind of relationship with Lord Jesus that brings about
His healing: “You will seek
Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart” (Jeremiah 29:13; see also Hebrews 11:6). You
can never heal yourself, but you can purpose to forgive and cast off that
bitter spirit.
When Jesus sees that you take the command
to forgive seriously, He will begin to heal your emotions. It
is only then that you can say, “My
parents did the best they could with what they had going for
themselves.” With this
emotional release of understanding, the bitterness no longer
has a foothold.
Never forget that your particular parents
birthed you as an act of God. You were conceived as an egg and
a sperm that He ordained to come together. You may find that
you can’t fully trust Him until you settle that He gave you to
the parents you have.
(See Diagram 2 below to help you be free
of bitterness and receive blessing in its place.)
Something to memorize
Like all human beings, you’ll find
your feelings hurt by others from time to time. Just
remember, your unforgiveness puts the other person into a
relational prison in which you’re unable to bless them or
be available as our Lord’s instrument in their life. For
holding on to this bitterness and resisting the grace to
forgive, God puts you into a dungeon to be tortured (as noted
before, see Matthew 18:23-35).
Your forgiveness is the key to freeing both you and the one who has
offended you. You need to humbly
lean on the power of Jesus to forgive someone from your heart. If you try to do it in your own strength,
you’ll march right back into your prison cell at the
first sniff of perceived offense.
Keep this pattern of reflection in mind
when your feelings are hurt by other people:
1. Did
the person do it with malicious intent, or did he/she hurt you
unintentionally? The vast majority of hurt feelings are caused
by unintentional acts. In fact, your offender may even be
unaware that an offense has oc-curred!
2. If
they are unaware and haven’t asked your forgiveness, do
you have the grace to just forgive them in your heart and walk
away from it? (1 Peter 4:8)
3. If you
won’t be able to let go of it, then you need to go to the
person to clear up the matter or else forever shut your mouth.
If you don’t do this, you’ll tell others what
happened, causing you to sin through slander and gossip.
The Slide Into Disloyalty
“For you, brothers, have been called
to liberty; only do not use liberty as an opportunity for the
flesh, but through love serve one another. For all the law is
fulfilled in one word, even in this: “You shall love your
neighbor as yourself.” If you keep on biting and
devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by
each other.”
(Galatians 5:15)
On the next page you’ll find Diagram
3, The Slide Into Disloyalty. You’ll notice that there are two inner
attitudes that predispose a person toward disloyalty: an Independent Spirit and a Wounded Spirit. These two attitudes confound the foundations
needed to become more Christ-like.
Our Lord Jesus ordained that His followers
live like parts of a human body, each one lovingly serving the
interests of others (1 Corinthians 12). A person who is
controlled by an Independent Spirit can be around other people,
but NEVER fully belongs to them. With little concern for how
they adversely affect others, a person oppressed by an
Independent Spirit is truly a bull in a china shop.
If you’re influenced by a Wounded
Spirit, you’re plagued by a “woe is me”
attitude. Many of your motivations and actions compensate for
your painful self-pity, and you can’t trust Jesus enough
to turn to His power to heal your heart (Isaiah 53:5; Luke 7:
22,23). In a sense, holding onto a wounded spirit is a form of
pride in which Jesus has no viable place in your life beyond
lip service.
Example Of A Husband’s Disloyalty
Our Father created women with fast-moving
mental capabilities that make them both intuitive and
impulsive. Research has proven this out. The cord that connects
the two hemispheres of the brain, the corpus callosum, is
larger in women than in men so females can more speedily
process information.
As women simultaneously access both sides
of their brain, they’re able to immediately recall past
experiences from both hemispheres and come to rapid
conclusions. But this ability can be a terrible detriment if it’s
combined with an unredeemed sin nature and any persistent
demonic strongholds.
Have you thought about this? Women in
general entertain more negative thoughts about themselves than
men do. This is why a loving husband helps his wife overcome
these nagging cares and worries (1 Peter 3:7). He not only
helps her feel better about herself, but his encouraging
intervention benefits their Covenant marital relationship.
A man who is controlled by an Independent
and Wounded spirit will breed disloyalty in his marriage.
Rather than intervening with warmth and encouragement,
he’ll use his wife’s negative misgivings about
herself against her. In other words, he controls his wife by fanning her feelings of guilt
and her fear that she’ll let him down in some way. This manipulation of his wife is diabolical! The
strained facial expression on these emotionally abused women
makes them look like prisoners of war.
(For more, see our July 2003 Newsletter, “You Belong To Me”; and May 2001 Newsletter, “Jesus Versus The Queen Of Heaven”).
Example Of A Wife’s Disloyalty
When couples marry, they often don’t
completely grasp the commitment they’re making to each
other. Through the covenant of marriage a couple belongs to
each other in such a way that no one else should come between
them. To help them grow in intimacy and loyalty, other
relationships should do all they can to support the
couple’s relationship.
Sadly, in this nation too many wives share
negative information about their husbands with other people
— most often with their mother. And, too often the
wife’s mother sympathizes so deeply and detrimentally
with her daughter that the resultant discontent leads to
divorce!
We cite contemporary mothers-in-law
because of the epidemic of destructive impact they are having
in disrupting the peace of their daughters’ homes. When a
daughter complains to her mother about any dissatisfaction she
has with her husband, the older woman will generally take the
wife’s side without even hearing the husband’s
perspective! This is gossip and slander, and puts BOTH women in
a position of violating God’s ways.
GOSSIP Sharing
detrimental information about someone with those who are
not part of the problem or the solution.
SLANDER Telling
only part of the truth or error with the intent to cause hurt.
(For further discussion, see our July 2000
Newsletter, “Lashon hara: Bad
Mouthing”.)
Example Of Disloyalty In Children
“Children, obey your parents in the
Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and
mother”—which is the first commandment with a
promise—that it may go well with you and that you may
enjoy long life on the earth”
(Ephesians 6:1-3).
In this nation, when many children become
teenagers they begin to bad mouth their parents and listen to
their friends do likewise. Over time they develop a case of
discontent against parents in general. This sour attitude often
increases their peer-dependence and diminishes the righteous
influence of their parents.
The fertile soil of gossip and slander
against parents is often where an Independent Spirit and a
Wounded Spirit become fully developed in teens. These attitudes
fester long into adulthood, often providing the seed for
marriage problems. And, true to His Word, our God makes sure
nothing goes well for them because they have dishonored their
parents.
Loyalty Is Experienced
One of the deepest forms of loyalty we can
demonstrate for others is to help them meet their seven
God-given needs. As we’ve described in our workbook, Demolishing Strongholds (a free download), once the strongholds have been
demolished, the seven needs must be met in order to keep the
strongholds from coming back.
In order to help others, you need to spend
a considerable amount of time in prayer yourself asking our
Lord Jesus for insight and wisdom into how you can help meet
their needs. Your efforts will help fill in the old, ungodly
ruts of attitude and behavior that the strongholds induced.
Your loving willingness to be Jesus’
agent in filling in these ruts by helping to meet
another’s needs is one of the most endearingly loyal
things you can ever do. But keep in mind that this will require
sacrifice and inconvenience that only the grace of Jesus can
give you! Are you willing?
