Introduction
We recently went through George
Barna’s book, Revolutionary
Parenting. It is a must read for
parents and grandparents who desire to see their offspring
become spiritual champions! Barna describes a spiritual champion as
this:
• A person who embraces Jesus Christ
as their Savior and Lord of their life and loves God with all
their heart, soul, mind and strength;
• One who accepts the Bible as truth
from God and as the guide for their life;
• Someone who earnestly endeavors
through the indwelling Spirit to live according to biblical
principles and seeks to continually deepen their relationship
with their Lord;
• A person with a biblical worldview
that shapes their decision-making because they accept
scriptural principles as a true and significant way of life.
They realize that they have been created to serve God and
fulfill His purposes for their life;
• One who recognizes that there is
continual spiritual warfare against those who love and serve
God and that Satan is unrelenting in his schemes to bring down
those who are in Christ.
Revolutionary Parenting came about through The Barna Group’s
survey of thousands of parents and their adult offspring. The
results revealed a particular type of parent whom they termed
“revolutionary” whose goals and methods of
childrearing succeeded in raising spiritual champions.
We were excited when we discovered that
the book highlighted what these Revolutionary Parents had in
common in raising their children: The
Holy Spirit had been guiding these fathers and mothers to apply
various facets of the Hebraic
foundations to their family life
even though they were unaware of this approach!
Barna’s research also helped us
understand more clearly the diverse
types of parents to whom we
minister. Among these varieties of Christian parents:
1. Revolutionaries. These are parents for whom God is their first
and foremost priority in life. Everything they do stems from
their deep conviction that they live only to love, obey and serve God.
These parents have strong intimate relationships with each of their children and readily integrate their faith into their family life. That integration enables them
to make spur-of-the-moment decisions that are consistent with
who they are as Jesus-followers. It also keeps clear as their
focus the Christ-like character they’re trying to develop in their
children.
Since their Christian faith permeates
every dimension of their life, transferring their biblical
principles and personal world view has become an innate process
for them with their children. Revolutionary parents center
their lives around the Person and principles of God. They
readily and naturally talk about Him, genuinely intermingling
their relationship with Him and their daily life experiences
and choices.
This kind of parenting doesn’t
“just happen”! As Barna found, parents who raise
spiritual champions:
•Genuinely love God;
•Pray daily;
•Worship regularly;
•Read the Bible habitually for
personal development;
•Actively participate in a faith
community;
•Apply their resources, spiritual
gifts, and natural abilities to influence lives.
2. Evangelical
Christians. Their primary focus is
spreading the Gospel. The task of
evangelism rather than
concentrating first on an intimate relationship with God is the
overriding goal for many evangelical parents. Yet all too often
the perception of sharing the Good News as a calculated assignment rather
than a wondrous reconciliation that produces union in Spirit
often hinders their effectiveness in parenting.
Intimacy with each child requires intentional interactive time and interest. That’s the only way you can get to know
each one personally and identify their particular bent. Sadly,
so often evangelical parents are so wrapped up in
congregational obligations and activities that their children
learn to equate God with doing
things because that’s
the model they’ve seen in their parents. But as research
has noted particularly in the Bible Belt, the divorce rate in
this group is higher than among non-believers—a tragic
observation indeed.
3. Nominal
Christians. These people consider
themselves “Christian” but have neither a
life-changing relationship with Jesus nor a hunger to grow in
His ways. They could be described as passively religious rather
than being actively transformed by the Spirit into
Christ’s likeness. Therefore both their personal lives
and their childrearing reflect the values of the world with
perhaps a “churched veneer”.
• Which of the above variety of
“Christian” most clearly describes you?
— — — — —
— — —
After reading Barna’s book, we more
readily realize that our Father gave us the Hebraic foundations
to share in order to help train and strengthen Revolutionary Parents. We’ve received feedback from parents who have
used and discussed our materials, especially the Discussing How To Restore The Early Church series and the Jesus
In Your Home video series. These mothers and fathers lovingly and
purposefully are living out the parameters of
“Revolutionary Parents”.
If you’re reading this Teaching
E-mail and earnestly desire to be a Revolution-ary Parent, we
strongly recommend that you and your family begin with these
two series. Prayerfully discuss with one another how the Spirit
of Christ in you is directing you to apply the various facets
to your own home.
Much of western Christendom today is aimed
at children, whether through Sunday school classes, youth groups,
vacation Bible school programs, even music that mimics that of
the world but with a “Christian” flavor. We
believe, however, that our Father has been making known the
Hebraic foundations to raise up parents who lovingly and righteously fulfill all their
biblical responsibilities. HE is raising up an Elijah witness
to turn the hearts of fathers to children and the hearts of children to
hear and receive from fathers.
When the hearts of fathers are burdened
with loving diligence and sacrificial willingness to parent the
next generation, then the children will respond with receptive hearts! BUT, if
you’re a parent who is looking for the easiest way to
raise your children just so they’ll stay out of trouble,
then read no further. Your heart is not
prepared to train up godly offspring who will love and serve
the Lord Jesus Christ.
As we continue, we’re going to refer
to Revolutionary Parents as those who wholly follow Jesus. The word
“revolution” implies a radical
change that calls for forceful
determination to achieve a goal. Our Father is restoring “The Hebraic Restoration”— a radical departure from man-pleasing western religion! Around the
world He is restoring hearts that are determined to return to
the relational priorities and love-grounded
obedient trust that radiate so
fully from both Testaments of His Word. And that’s what
we’re about: restoring these
Scriptural facets that made the earliest followers of Jesus so relationally intimate and spiritually powerful.
This Teaching E-mail explores the common
elements that are intentionally being lived out by the Jesus-following parents
Barna surveyed. We then highlight the material on our website
that will help you be one of these parents. In essence, this
Teaching E-mail is a reference tool to help you access
information to equip you in parenting (and grandparenting!)
spiritual champions.
Before we discuss particular points, we
want to emphasize the most important foundation stone in your
family’s life: the Lordship
of Jesus. Turn inward through
prayer to ask the indwelling Spirit of Jesus for the help
you’ll need to be a parent who represents His loving
interest in and purpose for your children. If you don’t,
you’ll try to implement “parenting
techniques” to make you a “better parent”.
This won’t work.
The most important faith practice your
children can glean from you is your dependence on Lord Jesus,
and equally important, your desire to daily yield to His Spirit and grow more like Him.
Make sure you place a premium on prayer. Our Lord
answers the prayers of the righteous — those who love,
trust and obey Him. Your greatest source of power and hope for
parenting is Jesus, and your prayers evidence that you believe
this.
[For more on the indwelling Spirit of
Jesus see Teaching E-mail 12. Confirming
That You Truly Belong.]
An Identifying Characteristic of
Parents Who Wholly Follow Jesus
1. The Bible Is Their Foundational
Resource
Parents who follow in the steps of Jesus
genuinely realize that God’s Word is their handbook of
wisdom for their lives. From its truth they recognize the
beauty of trust-filled praise of their Lord and His Sovereign
power. His wondrous love and character, particularly as He
interacted as a faithful Father and Husband to Israel, offers a
powerful example of His precious grace and longsuffering as
well as the way of life that pleases Him.
And the promises and prophecies that have
been fulfilled through our glorious Lord and Savior Jesus shine
forth to establish our faith and that of our children that He
will indeed continue to unfold His plan for each of our lives!
Parents who yearn to raise children mighty
in spirit interact daily with their family in reading
God’s Word. They discuss passages with the intent of
applying Scriptures to the real-life situations they and their
children encounter each day.
These dads and moms realize that using
time specifically to implant the principles of God’s Word
is one of the best ways they can shape their child’s
character and help them form a biblical worldview. And those
serendipitous “teaching moments” in the car or
before bedtime or even playing together penetrate a receptive
child’s heart. That way your children don’t confine
discussing and applying God’s Word to set times in set
places. Walking His path is anytime, any place!
God’s Spirit in you gives you both
the desire and the power to live according to ways that please
Him and to model for your children what that way looks like in
daily choices, attitudes and actions. In our book Christian Halakhahs: Loving Jesus Through The Way You
Apply His Word, we note how
critical it was as a way of life for the earliest followers of
Jesus to apply the Word of God.
The root of halakhah is halak, meaning “to walk.” Thus, halakhah refers to
walking out your life in a way that coincides with God’s
Word. You develop halakhahs according to how you apply biblical truths to
all realms of your life, whether to education, finances,
ethical decisions, or religious practices.
When you teach your children by role
modeling and discussing with them how to apply the Bible to
their daily lives, you’re
affirming the Bible as the best place for them to seek Godly
answers. And, you’re also
affirming that God’s Word contains truth principles that
MUST be integrated into each of their life’s decisions.
Through your discussion together
you’re also modeling the importance of confirmation through
prayerful group discussion. Autocratic conclusions made by one
individual was foreign to the earliest followers of Jesus,
whose decision making process was apperceived from the Hebrew
Bible and confirmed by both Jesus and Paul: “A matter must be established by the testimony
of two or three witnesses” (Deuteronomy
19:15; Matthew 18:16; 2 Corinthians 13:1).
God Himself had established this pattern
by calling upon heaven and earth as His witnesses with the Israelites (for
example, Deuteronomy 30:19, 31:28).
Determining together the will of the
Father and agreeing upon how to prayerfully apply it underlay a
key principle taught by our Lord Jesus: “Again I say to you that if two of you agree on earth
concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by
My Father in heaven” (Matthew
18:19).
[For more on group discussion and
confirmation as a lifestyle, see our book, Christian Halakhahs; also Discussing How To Restore The Early Church, Section 6, Lesson 48—Topic 9. Seek Rhema, Establish Halakhahs, Ensure
They’re Followed; also
Teaching E-mail 11. Discussion For
Application. All are a free
download.]
One last point on impressing on your
children a need and a love for applying the Scriptures to their
daily lives. Our Lord came to establish a Kingdom filled with those
who love and serve Him as their Lord and King. As you routinely
expose your children through group discussion to God’s
principles, you’re instilling in them a biblical worldview.
By this we mean that your children come to understand that
their life on earth is set apart by Him to lovingly serve the
interests of their King.
[For more on the importance of Kingdom
responsibilities and privileges, see Lifebytes 51 thru 57 on
the Kingdom of God.]
An Identifying Characteristic of Parents
Who Wholly Follow Jesus
2. They Make God First In All Matters
If you talk with many Christian parents,
you’ll no doubt discover that few have clearly thought
through their role as father or mother. Most simply live by a
survival-based philosophy. Just to get through another
day-week-month-year without their children falling into a pit
of disaster seems challenge enough!
However, our Father desires and equips
parents who sincerely follow Jesus as Lord of their lives to
press on to a high calling and goal: for they and their
children to love their Lord and grow increasingly to be more
like Him in their life and character and purpose.
Parents who wholeheartedly follow Jesus
can be readily recognized. They
have with determination placed their trust in Christ and have purposed
that loving obedience to His Word through His Spirit is their
chief priority.
Barna’s research disclosed that many
of these parents did not have an upbringing that prepared them to
be spiritual champions themselves. However, they evaluated
their options based on their own life experiences and
recognized that the ways of God were far superior to
man’s best efforts. Therefore they’d concluded that
the greatest gift they could give their offspring is a sound
and loving upbringing based on biblical principles.
That mindset reflects a purposeful
endeavor to integrate their faith in Christ into every dimension of
their lives. One of the non-negotiable factors embedded within
parents who earnestly follow Jesus is their insistence that
their trust in God and obedience to biblical principles be the
driving force behind their home life. That’s how their
homes become a refuge and sanctuary of peace and harmony for
the whole family.
As we discussed earlier, the decisions
made by parents who wholly follow Jesus as their way of life
can be traced to how they form and apply biblical principles
— halakhahs. They base their choices on God’s Word
according to the wisdom they’ve gleaned as His Spirit
gives them insight and interpretation. Some of these decisions
involves how to discipline their youngsters; how they read and
study the Bible together as a family; how to balance academics
and social life with character-building opportunities of
service to others.
One of the highest priorities of parents
who wholly follow Jesus is to instill Christ-like character in
their children. These parents realize that while a child may
learn information and skills, character doesn’t just
naturally emerge.
Character qualities must be deliberately instilled in a child even as they are being purposefully
modeled by the parents themselves.
Christ-like character is molded by parents
who believe that this calls for intentional effort, and
that who you are matters a lot more than what
you accomplish. Character qualities
that display the nature of Jesus will be evident to others.
Parents who gratefully follow Jesus
provide their children repeated guidance of God’s
principles as well as consistent enforcement of them. Daily
opportunity to develop character comes from such simple yet
helpful ways as assigning tasks and household chores to
everyone in the family. These duties help clarify each
child’s responsibility to serve others.
Serving others doesn’t come
naturally! The sin nature would much rather shirk or grumble or
work half-heartedly. How-ever, you train your children to serve others by helping them
get their eyes off themselves to see the needs of others.
That’s part of crucifying the natural tendency so that
the heart of God can take root. Providing various frequent ways
to learn to joyfully serve others helps establish a lifelong
practice of looking beyond self to reflect the love of Jesus in
very tangible ways (see Matthew 25:31-46).
As you can see, developing character in
the heart of a child is intertwined with parents consistently
modeling and pursuing obedience in their children. Respon-ding with
obedience calls for patient and repetitive training.
Transformation into Christ-like character is the bedrock of our
pilgrimage in Lord Jesus, and His character leads to
appropriate life choices that show we truly love Him and belong
to Him.
As we consistently choose to yield to His
Spirit at work in us and in our children, His character becomes
more deeply ingrained. And those character changes coincide
with our love, our reverent fear, and our worship of Him. His
sheer holiness and love for us is a marvelous motivator for us
as well as our children to live obedient lives!
[For more on our Lord’s way of
developing character, see Lifebyte 50. Marriage As A Covenant Lifestyle (Part 4); also Lifebyte 55. Kingdom
Living (Part 5); also we recommend
for family discussion Character
Sketches by the Institute in Basic
Life Principles (www.iblp.org).]
An Identifying Characteristic of Parents
Who Wholly Follow Jesus
3. They Measure Their Parenting Success By
God’s Standards
Many Christian parents today are so
influenced by the world’s values and goals that they
adopt the world’s parameters to evaluate their parental success. These
seem good but are very incomplete:
• provision of basic
needs—food, clothing, shelter—as well as extras to
meet the child’s wants;
• trying to enforce habits to help
keep the children physically healthy;
• maintaining a secure and
comfortable home;
• connecting children to decent
friends through “good” school systems and
recreational activities;
• keeping them away from drugs,
alcohol, sex.
Sadly, focusing on these standards as
chief concerns undermines their children ever becoming
spiritual champions. Repeatedly the Bible affirms that our God examines and measures our hearts. In
particular He is intent that we and our children truly seek to
love, serve and obey Him. To be successful in His sight as a
parent who wholeheartedly follows Jesus, your focus must mirror
HIS perspective: to teach and role model in such a way that
your children learn to love their King and want to serve His
Kingdom purposes for their lives.
He has called you and your children to a
glorious destiny that will bring Him praise—and
it’s HIS power at work in you to bring it about! “For we are His
workmanship, created in Christ
Jesus for good works, which God prepared
beforehand that we should walk in them” (Ephesians 2:10).
Two warnings:
1. Don’t be deceived into believing
that you’re successful in God’s sight just because
your children are well-received by other Christian parents and
their children. That’s “horizontal”
comparison.
2. Don’t outsource your children for
others to spiritually train by relying on youth groups and
Sunday schools. It’s your privilege and biblical responsibility!
Early Hebraic followers of Jesus
understood clearly that God ordained the home to be the basic
building block for spiritual development. A father/husband was
the primary influence in the spiritual development of his
family. All other relationships supported him in this role, and
nothing competed with his responsibility nor compensated for
his irresponsibility.
Much of western Christendom “outsources” wives and children for others to teach. This was
never God’s intent, and violates much of His Word that
pertains to the relational intimacy of the home and parental
influence in spiritual growth.
The Bible commands parents to be the primary
source for spiritual development of their children. Make sure
that all other relationships and activities support you in
instilling Christ-like character and training spiritual
champions. Then your children can have the right heart motive
and attitude as they reach out to and interact with those who
have yet to encounter Jesus.
[For more on this, see our Hebraic Article: Hebraic Home Fellowships Must
Produce Godly Generations; also Discussing How To Restore The Early Church, Section 5, Lesson 30.]
Nestle into your heart this important
point:
Parents who follow Jesus wholly must love
their Lord and be obedient to His calling and principles.
Through His Spirit and His Word you willingly allow Him to
produce outcomes that accord with His perfect will. As much as you love your children, God loves
them more. Foster conditions and
opportunities that increase the probability of your children
becoming all that God intends.
Identifying Characteristic of Parents Who
Wholly Follow Jesus
4. They Disciple Their Children As Would a
Drill Instructor or Coach
If you want your children to become
spiritual champions, you must purpose that parenting is your
primary job in life. Nothing must compete with this goal!
God’s primary purpose for your covenant of marriage is
clearly spelled out:
Has not He made them one? In flesh and
spirit they are His. And why one? Because
He seeks godly offspring. Therefore
take heed to your spirit (Malachi 2:15).
Parents who wholly follow Jesus ac-tively
and consistently pursue training their children. They’re
intimately in-volved in every aspect of each child’s
life. These parents tend to set aside their own wants so they
can more fully participate in their children’s spiritual
development.
Consider the testimony of this parent
surveyed in Revolutionary Parenting:
“Our job as parents is to be there,
right next to them, to help them learn how to identify the
issues and how to make proper choices. We have to be involved
enough to help them know how to follow through on their choices
and to reinforce the good choices they have
embraced.”
A good way to accomplish this yourself is
by praying daily for creative insights to help develop the spiritual
dimension of your children. Also be sure to take time to pray
and read and discuss the Bible together.
Again, parents who follow Jesus with
wholehearted loving determination view their parenting as their
highest calling. As a result they invest substantial time and
energy into their relationship with their child—and they
purposely create pleasurable family activities that will build
memories with their children.
These parents earnestly accept their role
as the primary spiritual mentor of their children. Parents who
wholly follow Jesus live according to biblical patterns and
readily role model for their children that God is foremost in
their life.
Be constantly aware of an unseen battle
around you. The Kingdom of God is at war with the dominion of
Satan. And, your children need to be trained as warriors.
They’ll be competing with Satan for the souls of mankind.
[For more on the unseen forces arrayed
against you and your family, see Lifebytes 11 thru 21, or watch
our video series, Certain Of What
We Do Not See.]
Our Lord has recruited His own to fight
for the souls of mankind. In both the physical as well as the
spiritual sense, to be a soldier is a way of life. A soldier who serves for a
purpose greater than his own well-being needs the character
quality of endurance—and that isn’t taught in a
classroom. It’s acquired through both careful training
and role modeling.
Hebraic teaching is analogous to military
training. Both are intended to impart
life purpose to the disciple. And, the discipler serves as a drill instructor rather than as a clergy person who is removed
from the trenches of personal and individual contact with each
soldier.
A military drill instructor is selected to
train others because of his experience on the battlefield. The
best soldiers are sent to train the rookies. This is how every
recruit in boot camp is trained— by the best qualified
people of experience.
Because many Christian parents have
outsourced their families for others to train, they
aren’t prepared to serve their children as hands-on
“drill instructors”. Often they need to learn some of the same biblical character
traits as do their children. That
“untrained” parent is trying to learn even as they
train their children.
In the athletic arena, a coach takes raw
material, defines the goal for the team, and works to shape the
individuals to meet the goal. A parent/coach must accept their
God-given responsibility to raise champions in the spiritual realm. To
accomplish this, the common goal for all the family members must be to
willingly and increasingly become more like Jesus.
A child’s sin nature stirs him or
her to pursue goals that appeal to their own will and desire:
to be rich, a hero, a celebrity. A parent/coach who wholly
follows Jesus needs to develop and pursue goals for their
children that coincide with the character of Jesus and the
particular bent of each child. Wise parents include their
children in setting these goals so that each child will take
ownership of them and be more responsible in fulfilling them.
Typical goals may be their grades, household chores, behavioral
standards, and Bible reading for application.
Along with setting goals, parents need to be able to assess each
child’s progress along the way. One way to do this is to debrief at the end of each
day, especially around your dinner table. Be sure that your
mealtimes are safe for each person –— no
accusations or arguments here!
Openly evaluate each day concerning what
went right, what went wrong, and how you can improve your
“coaching” efforts the next day. Learn from each
day’s experience and adjust your efforts according to
which goals you’re trying to meet and the input
you’ve received and observed by the end of each day.
Godly parent/coaching is a never-ending
process of learning more about God, yourself, and how you can
enhance the quality of the lives He’s entrusted to you.
An important part of your coaching as a parent who follows
Jesus is that you don’t hesitate to explain why and how you’re seeking your own spiritual growth
in Christ’s likeness each day.
This means you’re purposely aimed toward
serving your Father’s interests as well as finding joy in the
Christ-like transformation our Lord is making in you. (No long
face or grumbling!) Your own attitude makes a noticeable
difference in your children. A child who sees a commitment to
Christ-like growth in your life is much more likely to do the
same.
If this is your earnest desire, you as a
parent need a clear handle on how to get there. Align your
heart with that which Jesus desires—to be Him in the flesh to all you meet.
Becoming a spiritual champion is a grueling process in which
you thirst for God’s work in you to continue to maturity.
Each one in your family needs to die to the influence of their
sin nature if they’re to become more like Jesus through
the working of His indwelling Spirit. And keep this in mind:
any pet sins you might be entertaining only hinders the
spiritual development of your children.
[For more on the battle with your sin
nature see Lifebyte 35. Thy Kingdom
Come In My Life; also Certain Of What We Do Not See, Segment 8—The
Influence Of Your Sin Nature.]
The Hebraic model of discipleship is based
on an intimate relationship between
discipler and disciple (see John 15:
15). Our Hebraic forefathers in the faith held that that
ministry is relational in nature. Their ability to mold and guide
their children in the ways of God would be minimized unless
their love for their children was manifested in authentic
relationship.
Most diligent parents realize that
they’re responsible to meet the basic emotional needs of
their children, such as security, safety, dignity, affirmation,
acceptance, and love. But there’s a big difference
between knowing what children need and consistently providing it through
a relationship that’s been built on trust and steady
interaction.
When youngsters feel assured that their
basic needs will be met by parents who have proven their loving
reliability, then they’re much more willing to
participate in conversations about moral and spiritual matters
and respond accordingly.
Despite the cultural trend for parents to
be popular with their kids, that’s not God’s way.
While every mom and dad yearns for their children to love and
appreciate them (and express it!), they need you to be their parent, not their
buddy. In other words, never do anything just to gain your
children’s approval.
Our Father chastised the Israelites for
their grumbling, whining and complaining, so don’t
tolerate it in your children nor do it yourself (see 1
Corinthians 10:10; James 5:9). Giving in to manipulative
demands reinforces rebellion and inhibits your effectiveness to
guide them in godly authority.
Keep in mind your daily parenting goal: to
help your children bring glory to God and to become prepared to
love and serve and please Him. Part of your loving relationship
with them is to hold your ground when the ways of the world
tempt your children away from the path of Jesus. They need to
see in you the godly contrast.
But remember, you were a child once too!
Your children have the same childish inclinations and
immaturity that have taken years for you to overcome.
Guide them at a pace that doesn’t frustrate or exasperate
them (Ephesians 6:4). And don’t ever let yourself worry
about what others think about how you’re training your
children.
If you’re determined to raise
children who are mighty in spirit, then they need to see in you
patience, understanding, clear purpose, and gentleness.
Obviously that means you’ll be calling out to our Lord
often, and humbling yourself to ask your children’s
forgiveness when you’ve stumbled in those areas.
God intended your children to be a blessing to you!
Allow them to share alongside you the joy of developing the
character of Jesus.
This quote from Revolutionary Paren-ting should
encourage you to use the time you have left with them wisely,
especially if they’re still under your roof.
“Your impact on your
children’s lives is proportional to the depth of the
relationship you have fostered with them. Your ability to
influence your children is dependent upon them respecting and
trusting you.
You build such trust by showing them
unconditional love, complete integrity, and total commitment to
the ways of God and their best interests. This implies
devo-ting substantial amounts of time to building your
relationship with each child. Further, you gain their respect
by exhibiting clarity about what you believe and by
consistently and unapologetically modeling those
principles.”
Guiding and raising children whose hearts
are dedicated to loving and serving their Lord isn’t a
speedy process. This isn’t a half-hour sit-com or even a
year-long curriculum. Don’t get overcome with frustration
if you don’t see immediate responsiveness from your kids
as you implement change. Being transformed in the character of
Jesus is a lifelong endeavor with an ongoing goal: to love and serve the
King of the Kingdom and to persevere in the obedient trust in
Him that leads to a heavenly welcome through the narrow gate.
Pause here to review Deuteronomy 6:1-9.
God commands a purposeful intensity in training your children that will impact
their children as well. That means seizing every opportunity He
orchestrates for you.
Are you flexible enough to recognize a
“teachable moment” that happens outside any
discussion time you may have planned? A great deal of training
takes place as an event occurs. People both old and young learn best from
their experiences, whether successful or failure. In this
light, when you’re readily available to your children as
situations take place, you can add biblical insight and
understanding to what they’re going through.
Using time together to seek our
Lord’s perspective and will is key to Him becoming a
reality to your children. Their “spiritual ears”
will be much more attuned to His call when it comes if
they’ve seen in you a responsiveness to turn with trust
to the Lord Jesus in your midst.
Again I say to you that if two of you agree on
earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for
them by My Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered
together in My name, I am there in the midst of them (Matthew
18:19,20).
Parents who follow Jesus can’t just
lecture at their children and expect them to change. You get to
truly know your children by alertly observing their behavior
and attitudes and by listening carefully as you talk with them.
Consider the pattern set by Jesus with His disciples as well as
with others around Him. He didn’t just talk at them; He engaged them with
questions and answers.
Children need this kind of dialogue
as well. That’s how you can help them discover
their life goals, whether immediate or long term, and influence
them to walk according to a biblical pathway. Through discussion together
you can help them discern how to reach those goals and what it
will take for them to improve what they’re now doing.
Both you and your child will benefit from
those conversations as you both share what’s going on in
your hearts and minds. But that won’t happen with
one-sided monologues; even the most diligent child will tune
you out eventually and try to avoid “those talks”!
As we’ve noted, if you want your
children to grow strong in spirit, then you need to be intentional and directly involved in
their spiritual development. Only you can instill in them that
God’s unchanging Word is the only standard for life that
they can fully trust. And holding both them and yourself to
biblical standards in a way that is grounded in your love for
them is crucial.
Barna sums up the testimony of most
parents whose children have matured into vibrant spiritual
champions:
“It was the extensive time spent
studying the Bible as a family that made the greatest
difference in their emergence as dedicated followers of Christ
and advocates of Scripture.”
Again, stay flexible in your plans so that
your heart and spirit are open to God-ordained
“intrusions” that bring biblical truths into life
situations and circumstances. Remember your goal: for your
children to love their Lord God and live in a way that brings
Him honor. You are their chief role model for what it means to
love and serve your King. They need to see you meet the unexpected by first seeking God’s will for each encounter and circumstance
before reacting to it.
Our Father has entrusted you with these
precious children to train them to respond to Him with loving
trust and obedient devotion. That’s a powerful call for
both you and for them!
You can’t hope for your child to
grow mighty in spirit unless you love God with all your heart, soul, mind and
strength. That commitment must be clearly and consistently seen
in your life before you can hope to have children who embrace the same
objective. And they must see you investing in your own spiritual growth before
they’ll accept as essential their personal commitment to
becoming a genuine disciple of Jesus Christ.
If you’re an authentic follower of
Jesus, you want to live according to His commands (see John 14:
15). But as you’ve discovered if you’re a parent,
your children don’t always eagerly obey the boundaries
you establish for them. In fact, they may question in their
hearts why these rules are necessary! Often it isn’t
until they mature that they recognize the value of those
boundaries and how your loving guidance and enforcement enabled
their character to develop.
Certainly consistency alone isn’t
enough to raise sons and daughters who are mighty in spirit.
However, the absence of consistency in how you discipline and in
your values, beliefs, and role modeling will reap confusion and
distrust of you in your children — the opposite of your
parenting goals for sure!
Following through on the boundaries and standards you’re
establishing from God’s Word is key. Your kids need to
know that you’re not just making up arbitrary rules to
spoil their fun. Your love for your Lord and your love for them is
the foundation for them to understand why you’re abiding
by God’s ways.
Once you’ve made those boundaries
clear to your children, you need to clarify as well the
consequences for violating them. Be consistent in holding your
children to them even as you’re generous with praise for
their obedience and for the changes in character you’re
seeing develop in them.
Let’s look again at the results of
Barna’s survey, this time examining house rules
that were common among Revolutionary Parents:
• always tell the truth;
• always show respect to other
people;
• help others whenever the
opportunity arises;
• control your tongue;
• do not judge other people’s
motives;
• take good care of your body;
• be active in pursuit of your faith;
• work hard and do the most excellent
work you can;
• carry out your household
responsibilities;
• make sure at least one parent knows
where you are at all times;
• accept penalties for inappropriate
behavior.
Certain ingredients were upheld as these
parents applied these parameters within their homes: each child
knew and understood the standards for their family regardless
of what other families were doing; these family rules were
consistently enforced without anger; both parents were
consistent and in one accord in applying these standards to
each child.
[For more on the Hebraic nature of
parental discipleship of children, see Lifebyte 46. Don’t Plant Old Tares With New Wheat; see also the segments in our Jesus In Your Home video
series on The Home.]
Identifying Characteristic of Parents Who
Wholly Follow Jesus
5. They Are Confident In Their Authority
The Bible leaves no doubt that our God has
established authority on earth as a means for training
generation after generation to follow His ways. When
authority is used properly, chaos is avoided and people are
more able to live peaceably with one another.
The concept of “authority” has
a bad connotation in many people’s minds because
it’s so often been misused. But our Father intends for
authority to be a protective covering for all who live and work
under it — to find freedom within the boundaries that His
Word has established. God holds personally responsible the one
to whom He gives authority to serve in the best interests of
the people under that covering (see Romans 13:1,2).
The intended primary goal of a person who
serves in authority is to maintain shalom. A Hebrew word full of rich meaning, shalom encompasses
fullness, peaceful harmony, and well-being. In fact, even the
Hebrew letters for shalom mean “authority that keeps chaos in
check.”
Peace in your home means that each person
who lives there experiences wholeness, harmony, and relational
safety. There’s a loving warmth in biblical peace
that’s conducive for you to nurture your children in the
way of our Lord.
When Jesus sent His disciples out to
prepare the way for his arrival in each town, He gave them an
indicator for locating a home in which they might stay. That
sign was peace.
When you enter a house, first say, ‘Peace to this house.’ If a man of peace is there, your
peace will rest on him; if not, it
will return to you (Luke 10:
5,6).
A man who knows how to promote peace in
his home is carrying out the responsibilities inherent in
authority. Certain responsibilities come with the authority a
parent puts into practice:
• to include those people or things that contribute to peace
and harmony in your home, and exclude those people or things that rob your home of
peace and harmony;
• to commend those actions and attitudes that contribute to
the peace and harmony of your home, and to correct those actions and
attitudes that rob the peace and harmony of your home.
If you ignore ongoing sin in your
children, you’re probably hiding sin in your own life.
Parents who repeatedly offer excuses for their children’s
stubborn disobedience or blame exhaustion or busyness for their
failure to correct their child(ren) are plotting a path of
destruction and pain: “Chasten
your son while there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death” (Proverbs 19:18).
Parents who are lax in disciplining
consistently are abdicating their authority. Tragically,
they’re condemning their children to resist authority all their
lives.
[For more on the importance of biblical
authority in maintaining peace, see Teaching E-mail 10. Apprehension: The Silent Destroy-er; and our book Growing
Relationships Through Confrontation, all a free download.]
Barna identified several areas in which
parents who wholeheartedly follow Jesus serve their families in
biblical authority:
1. They influence the choice of their
children’s friends.
Our Hebraic forefathers understood clearly
from the Older Testament that people influence each other for
either good or bad. Scripture abounds with counsel about the
effect your choice of friends has on your own life:
• He who
walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools
suffers harm (Proverbs 13:20).
• He who
listens to a life-giving rebuke will be at home among the wise (Proverbs 15:31).
• A
violent man entices his neighbor and leads him down a path that
is not good (Proverbs 16:29).
• Do not
make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one
easily angered, or you may learn his ways and get yourself
ensnared (Proverbs 22:24,25).
Recognizing the impact that your
children’s friends have on them should prompt you to
spend time helping your kids choose their playmates! Strongly
encourage relationships with children who will help your child
grow in becoming a spiritual champion, and gently discourage
continued involvement with less desirable playmates. And be
sure you get to know the parents of your children’s
friends to provide continuity between the families.
Righteous relationships spur believers on
to greater love,
courage and service for our Lord.
Sin-filled relationships deter His people
from the valor and courage they need to fulfill His purposes
through them.
2. They establish media limits.
That which you entertain visually and
audibly takes root in your mind, will and emotions. The
psalmist who wrote “I will
set before my eyes no vile thing...” (Psalms 101:3) realized this. Parents who follow
Jesus watch pre-selected movies with their children and discuss
them afterward. They’re also diligent to explain to their
kids the unrighteous facets of media that isn’t tolerated
in their home.
Barna found from surveying adult children
who were spiritual champions how detrimental it is to children
when parents fail to monitor and limit media. Allowing children
to determine their own media diet was ranked as one of the most
insidious weaknesses of today’s parents.
3. Each child embraces their
parent’s values.
Here’s a standard that needs to be
affirmed without hesitation:
If your child is to live in your house, he
or she not only has to abide by your rules but also needs to
embrace your values.
Rules and values that stem from study and
application of the Bible (halakhahs) provide meaning and purpose to your
children’s attitudes and behaviors. Some of the values
you’re trying to instill by modeling and reinforcing are
love, obedience, servanthood, compassion, grace, humility,
respect. These take time and practice! As your children see you
consistently praying and seeking to develop these qualities,
they’ll be far more likely to follow your example.
4. Each child must be disciplined in a
manner that’s effective for that child.
“Discipline” is rooted in the
word disciple. You’re training up your children to walk in
the steps of Jesus as they see you doing that, and as you
respond with whatever is needed to move them along that path.
Parents who follow Jesus recognize that
discipline is necessary in training young disciples. Barna
found four aspects of appropriate discipline:
1. the child is consistently disciplined;
2. the discipline is appropriate for the
situation;
3. the discipline fits within the
family’s values;
4. the discipline for each child is right
for that particular child.
When you walk with the love of Christ in
your God-given authority, your children don’t doubt that
you’re in charge. Rather, they find security in knowing
that you’re in control.
Barna determined that Revolutionary
Par-ents served their families in godly au-thority by:
• Declaring verbally who was in
charge;
• Acting in charge;
• Accepting responsibilities and
pressures that came with leadership;
• Earning the appreciation and
acknowledgement of their children;
• Anticipating and solving problems;
• Reinforcing spiritual claims to
leadership by presenting biblical principles regarding family
roles;
• Spending time with other families
who embrace the same values and beliefs.
Barna also found that children who have
been raised democratically generally give way to their sin nature.
They’ve missed the critical lesson of submitting to
someone who has the right and responsibility to be in charge.
Don’t give way to society’s
trend to keep children busy all the time. They can get
overwhelmed and burned out through too many activities, harming
their health and losing the joy of creating their own pursuits.
Help them learn to prioritize their time, and teach them to say
“no” to things that interfere with their well-being
and the shalom of your home.
Again, help your children set goals and
fulfill them, even if it means personal sacrifice. Giving up
personal desires and wants to meet the needs of others helps
them learn servanthood.
[For more on the role of authority, see Discussing How To Restore The Early Church: Section 5, Lesson 36; also Lifebyte 40. Do You Confront For Jesus? Or, Placate For
Satan?; also Lifebyte 9. The Book
of Daniel (Chapters 1-3): Personal
Responsibility, Deference, God-dependence.]
Finally, remember this if you desire to be
a parent who wholeheartedly follows Jesus and raises children
who will do the same:
To develop a devoted follower of Jesus,
you must demonstrate your depth of commitment through
consistently practicing the ways of God in loving, obedient
trust.
If you blunder, repent! Ask both our Lord
and your children for forgiveness, and press on in confidence
that your Lord is cheering you on.
